


tOtAlLy OrIgInAl NeWsIeS gRoUpChAt AU

by BenTylerShook



Category: Newsies (1992), Newsies - All Media Types, Newsies!: the Musical - Fierstein/Menken
Genre: ALL THE GAY, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bisexual Characters, Chatting & Messaging, College, Davey is mom, Engagement, Fake Dating, Getting Together, Lesbian Character, Multi, Mutual Pining, Original Female Character(s) - Freeform, again obviously, characters are based off newsies live cast, dont expect much from me, established relationships - Freeform, except sarah, getting engaged, groupchat au, obviously, pansexual characters, these boys are Dumbasses, this isn't going to be good
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-24
Updated: 2019-11-22
Packaged: 2020-01-25 20:13:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 9,885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18581773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BenTylerShook/pseuds/BenTylerShook
Summary: gOtTaGoFaSt added santafeisafantase, Mom, liedownwithdogs, watermelonofyourheart, albertacanada, crunchywithagood, blindboi, realman, wherethefuckismyshoe, zippers, HoHoHo, purestboi, tweetybird, IkeinMike, MikeinIke, and keepyashirton to New Chat 12:06 amgOtTaGoFaSt:what’s up bitches(Rated mature for language)





	1. brooklyn's h-not here?

**Author's Note:**

> Ok so, hear me out, i had this incredibly strong urge to write a newsies gc and basically immediately regretting it cuz this is a lot of work. bUt I'm going to try. im not funny enough for this so please dont expect too much but that said, please do give this a shot because im hoping as i get into the swing of things it gets better.
> 
> im imagining everyone as Newsies Live cast, with sarah obviously from 92, but i dont think im ever going to describe them so distinctly for a diff casting to not work as well. (the only thing that would be super specific to newsies live would be race but other than that you can probably use any cast you want )
> 
> If anyone is out of character just like dont come for me lol
> 
> Usernames- (ill add as they show up)
> 
> Jack- santafeisafantase  
> Davey- Mom  
> Race- gOtTaGoFaSt  
> Albert- albertacanada  
> Sarah- watermelonofyourheart  
> Les- lesmis  
> Spot- SpotConlon

_gOtTaGoFaSt added santafeisafantase, Mom, liedownwithdogs, watermelonofyourheart, albertacanada, crunchywithagood, blindboi, realman, wherethefuckismyshoe, zippers, HoHoHo, purestboi, tweetybird, IkeinMike, MikeinIke, and keepyashirton to New Chat 12:06 am_

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** what’s up bitches

**albertacanada:** spot tell race to go the fuck to sleep

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** jokes on u hes not here hA

**Mom:** Race, go to sleep. 

**watermelonofyourheart:** ew grammer

**santafeisafantase:** yall i stg go tf to sleep

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** yall

**watermelonofyourheart:** yall

**albertacanada:** yall

**lesmis:** yall

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** what the fuckity fuck i didnt even add you how did you get here

**watermelonofyourheart:** oh hi les lol

**Mom:** First of all, language around the child Race!

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** sorry mom 

**santafeisafantase:** o shit he used a ! ur seriously fucked

**lesmis:** fIrSt Of AlL im literally almost 15 Davey ive heard worse 

**Mom:** Oh my god. Les go to sleep. Race remove him from the chat.

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** cAnT nEvEr AdDeD hIm CaNt ReMoVe HiM 

**albertacanada:** wow even i lost a brain cell reading that

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** ur only braincell

**Mom:** Moving on. Les, leave and go to sleep. And don’t come back.

**lesmis:** ugh fine bye

**santafeisafantase:** are we just ignoring the fact that race didnt add spot to this

**albertacanada:** just a wild guess: spot did something and race is gay amirite or amirite

**santafeisafantase:** shit u rite

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** fuck?? you??

**Mom:** Go! To! Sleep!

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** bro i rlly do need spot here hold up

_gOtTa Go FaSt deleted chat history_

_gOtTa Go FaSt added SpotConlon to the chat_

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** spottyyyyy you need a quirky username

**SpotConlon:** fuck u go to sleep

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** ugh fine

**albertacanada:** fucking finally


	2. of names and new boyfriends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _SpotConlon changed his name to conloncancer_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yea idk how i feel about this one. i will say im honestly rlly proud of spot's un. i also just realized that mike kath and sarah are hella cryptic whoops. these first few chapters are just going to be introductions and getting into the swing of things and the plot should start to pick up shortly after :)
> 
> Usernames: 
> 
> Jack- santafeisafantase  
> Davey- Mom  
> Race- gOtTaGoFaSt  
> Albert- albertacanada  
> Sarah- watermelonofyourheart  
> Spot- conloncancer  
> Elmer: crookedpolitician  
> Mike: IkeinMike  
> Katherine: liedownwithdogs  
> Romeo: realman
> 
> i think that's all for this chapter, but let me know in the comments if i missed one.

**_New Chat_ **

_SpotConlon changed his name to conloncancer 7:14 am_

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** hey spotty

 **conloncancer:** ye tony

 **gOtTaGoFaSt:** wtf is up with this username of urs

 **watermelonofyourheart:** its a little dark dont ya think

 **conloncancer:** mmmmm no i dont think so srry not srry

 **IkeinMike:** who knew the great Spot Conlon could be,, funny?

 **conloncancer:** honestly duck off Mike

 **santafeisafantase:** duck

 **watermelonofyourheart:** duck

 **gOtTaGoFaSt:** dUcK

 **IkeinMike:** duck

 **liedownwithdogs:** Duck

 **albertacanada:** duck

 **realman:** duck

 **Mom:** Is this going to happen every time someone mistypes? 

**conloncancer:** most definitely 

**Mom:** Great, thanks. 

**realman:** holdup holdup holdup,,,,, tony??? wot?? when??

 **conloncancer:** romeo,,, i know ur newer and all, but you srsly didnt think racetrack was his real name rite

 **realman:** u don’t gotta be insultin ofc i knew that was just a nickname but i didn’t know his name was tOnY???

 **santafeisafantase:** dont worry pal it aint

 **gOtTaGoFaSt:** well fuck u too jack 

_gOtTaGoFaSt left the chat_

**conloncancer:** wow jack yk he doesnt like talkin bout his real name. theres a fucking reason he uses anthony 

**santafeisafantase:** ye ye srry ill add him back and apologize 

_santafeisafantase added gOtTaGoFaSt to New Chat_

**santafeisafantase:** hey racer sorry bout the name thing it won’t happen again

 **gOtTaGoFaSt:** better fuckin not 

_albertacanada changed groupchat name to i cant believe youve done this_

**albertacanada:** if yall are done fighting- don’t even think about it- im adding my boyfriend to the chat

 **gOtTaGoFaSt:** oooo a pretty boy?

 **albertacanada:** no a leg of lamb. yEs A pReTtY bOy DuMbAsS

_albertacanada added crookedpolitician to i cant believe youve done this_

**crookedpoliticion:** ah yis this must be the chat ive heard so much about 

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** aw albie talks bout us

 **crookedpoliticion:** hA no

 **gOtTaGoFaSt:** r00d

 **crookedpolitician:** succs 2 succ

 **santafeisafantase:** i like this guy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please let me know in the comments what you thought. i rlly appreciate any input y'all have. 
> 
> literally my phone autocorrected fuck to duck so i just went with it. 
> 
> Kudos and Comments really help in writing new chapters :)
> 
> xo


	3. introductions!!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **albertacanada:** o rite eVeRyOnE iNtRoDuCe YoUrSeLf

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this took me like two hours to write. i made a mistake putting so many people in this wow. im sorry if its not super funny, i tried to make it humoring while at the same time making sure i actually introduced everyone. im also rlly sad no one has gotten my in the heights reference yet
> 
> Usernames:
> 
> Jack: santafeisafantase  
> Davey: Mom  
> Kath: liedownwithdogs  
> Sarah: watermelonofyourheart  
> Race: gOtTaGoFaSt  
> Spot: conloncancer  
> Crutchie: purestboi  
> Albert: albertacanada  
> Elmer: crookedpolitician  
> Mush; crunchywithagood  
> Blink: blindboi  
> Romeo: realman  
> Specs: wherethefuckismyshoe  
> Buttons: zippers  
> Jojo: HoHoHo  
> Mike: IkeinMike  
> Ike: MikeinIke  
> Tommy Boy: keepyashirton
> 
> i know it a lot but just bare with me because alot of them are going to like disappear a lot and such.

**crookedpoliticion:** um thanks random guy i literally don’t know

**albertacanada:** o rite eVeRyOnE iNtRoDuCe YoUrSeLf

**crookedpoliticion:** bleasE

**santafeisafantase:** jack kelly, 21, he/him, bi, davey’s boyfriend of 6 fuckin years 

**crookedpoliticion:** wait like jack kelly, smalls' brother??

**santafeisafantase:** uh yea that would be me lol u know my sister?

**crookedpoliticion:** she's like my best friend 

**santafeisafantase:** well damn

**Mom:** I’m the Davey he speaks of, also 21, he/him, shockingly gay.

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** sHoCkInGlY gAy my ass 

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** Racetrack Higgins, 19, he/him, gay and single oof

**santafeisafantase:** o quit ya gripin

**conloncancer:** Spot Conlon, king o Brooklyn, 20, he/him, pan

**watermelonofyourheart:** sarah, dave’s twin sister, 20, she/her, lesbiannnnnn

**liedownwithdogs:** Katherine, 21, Sarah’s girlfriend of 1 ½ years, she/her, bi

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** i wonder if the crytids are gonna show up

**keepyashirton:** i have been summoned 

**keepyashirton:** o we have fresh meat. Tommy Boy, 19, he/him, hetero

**realman:** bitch no you aint 

**keepyashirton:** o screw u

_**— —** _  
_**realman** to **wherethefuckismyshoe**_

**realman:** do you wanna tell them yet?

**wherethefuckismyshoe:** yk what, why the fuck not, let’s tell them

_**— —** _

_**i cant believe youve done this** _

**IkeinMike:** i’m mike, 19, he/him, bi

**realman:** i’m bAcK bItChEs

**realman:** names Romeo, 19, he/him, gay and Spec’s boyfriend

**wherethefuckismyshoe:** ;) <3

**realman:** ;) <3 

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** WHAT THE FUCK SINCE WHEN

**wherethefuckismyshoe:** since last year’s end of summer get together 

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** im gonna speak for all of us when i say wHaT tHe FuCk

**crookedpoliticion:** ummm??? confused boyfriend of friend here?? still doesn’t know who half u idiots are???

**wherethefuckismyshoe:** o rite sorry. Specs, 20, he/him, pan, romes boyfriend 

**tweetybird:** hey bitches ya miss me

**conloncancer:** where the shit did u come from

**tweetybird:** hell? idk man

**tweetybird:** Finch, 19, he/him, gay, Crutchie’s boyfriend 

**purestboi:** Crutchie here!!! 19!! he/him and pan!

**watermelonofyourheart:** ew happiness 

**santafeisafantase:** where the actual fuck is everyone coming from and where is everyone else

**zippers:** Hi!! im Buttons, 19, he/him, gay, and JoJo’s boyfriend!! luv u babe

**HoHoHo:** love you too. i’m JoJo, 19, he/him, gay, obviously Buttons’ boyfriend 

**crunchywithagood:** ew feelings

**blindboi:** i stg dont even go there mush. i will expose your ass so hard 

**blindboi:** im Blink (aka Kid Blink, aka Blind Diamond, but just call me Blink), 20, he/him, bi

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** literally no one calls you blind diamond

**liedownwithdogs:** Yea seriously Blink where’d that come from

**blindboi:** mOvInG oN

**crunchywithagood:** im Mush, 19, he/him, gay, Blink’s boyfriend of 4 years

**blindboi:** best 4 years of my goddamn life 

**crunchywithagood:** u know it ;)

**MikeinIke:** ew get a room

**MikeinIke:** i’m Ike, 19, he/him, gay, Mike’s identical twin the one with the blue hat

**lesmis:** and im Les, davey and sarah’s little brother, 14, he/him, straight.

**Mom:** Oh my god Les stop hacking the chat.

**lesmis:** you are srsly no fun

**crookedpoliticion:** spoiler alert i’m not going to remember any of this. albie when u asked if i wanted to join you didn’t tell me i was joining a literal army u fuckface 

**albertacanada:** sorry? 

**crookedpoliticion:** is that everyone?

**albertacanada:** yea i think so

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** bro just a warning this chat is a fucking mess

**crookedpoliticion:** i gathered 

**albertacanada:** um babe

**crookedpoliticion:** wot

**albertacanada:** literally no one else knows who tf you are

**crookedpoliticion:** good

**santafeisafantase:** well damn bro 

**realman:** please?? reveal?? yourself???

**crookedpoliticion:** ugh fine. Elmer, 18, he/him, pan

**crookedpoliticion:** can i add a few of my friends to this hell hole

**purestboi:** Ofcourse!! 

**crookedpoliticion:** ew pure 

_crookedpoliticion added sourpickle and tolchild to i can’t believe youve don’t this_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> elmers a little shit fite me
> 
> can you tell i forgot about people and added them in at random times? 
> 
> im hoping that after the next chapter plot starts to pick up a bit. 
> 
> if you have any ideas for this please do share!!!
> 
> also!!! let me know if anything was confusing!!


	4. new people yayyyy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **tolchild:** die

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fammmmm this aint it 
> 
> i honestly dont know if this is any good but its whatever i guessy guess. 
> 
> Usernames:
> 
> Jack: santafeisafantase  
> Davey: Mom  
> Kath: liedownwithdogs  
> Sarah: watermelonofyourheart  
> Race: gOtTaGoFaSt  
> Spot: conloncancer  
> Crutchie: purestboi  
> Albert: albertacanada  
> Elmer: crookedpolitician  
> Mush; crunchywithagood  
> Blink: blindboi  
> Romeo: realman  
> Specs: wherethefuckismyshoe  
> Buttons: zippers  
> Jojo: HoHoHo  
> Mike: IkeinMike  
> Ike: MikeinIke  
> Tommy Boy: keepyashirton  
> Henry: sourpickle  
> Smalls: tolchild
> 
>  
> 
> i think thats it. 
> 
> im hoping the comedy picks up soon idk man

**sourpickle:** what are we doing here el

_tolchild has left the chat_

**santafeisafantase:** oh no she aint

_santafeisafantase added tolchild to the chat_

**santafeisafantase:** hey little sister

**tolchild:** die

**liedownwithdogs:** oooooookay then

**Mom:** Introductions, please.

**sourpickle:** o rite, im Henry, 18, he/him, pan

**tolchild:** im smalls, 18, she/her, idk man

**watermelonofyourheart:** does this mean we all have to introduce ourselves again?

**realman:** cant they just read up in the chat?

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** rEaD uP bItChEs

**conloncancer:** race ur idiot is showing

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** ok wow r00d

**wherethefuckismyshoe:** gUyS

**keepyashirton:** o no

**wherethefuckismyshoe:** putting uwu at the end of a sentence makes it automatically cute and harmless

**realman:** babe id expect this sort of thing from crutch but not you 

**purestboi:** !!!!

**wherethefuckismyshoe:** just fucking try it

**conloncancer:** you guys are dumbasses uwu

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** thanks spotty uwu

**conloncancer:** die uwu

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** nah uwu

**Mom:** You guys are idiots. 

**purestboi:** you love us uwu

**Mom:** I love Jack. I like you. The rest of you can die. 

**watermelonofyourheart:** not even ur sister uwu

**Mom:** Die. 

**watermelonofyourheart:** damn bro my own flesh and blood 

**zippers:** whats up with mom

**Mom:** Seriously stop calling me that. 

**santafeisafantase:** hes stressing about school starting 

**crookedpolitician:** u guys r seniors rite

**santafeisafantase:** yep

**liedownwithdogs:** David loves school though 

**santafeisafantase:** while that is a true statement the end of summer party/get together stresses him out for whatever reason and school starting means end of summer party

**liedownwishdogs:** speaking of which when should we have the party 

**purestboi:** tomorrow?

**realman:** today

**HoHoHo:** right now

**tolchild:** 15 minutes ago

**tweetybird:** im actually in ur driveway rn

**albertacanada:** im actually in ur house rn

**conloncancer:** im already drunk

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** im already hungover

**liedownwithdogs:** you guys are absolutely no help you know that right. 

**tweetybird:** thx we try 

**watermelonofyourheart:** baaaaaaaaaabe

**liedownwithdogs:** what melon

**realman:** what the fuck kind of pet name is melon

**wherethefuckismyshoe:** let them be 

**watermelonofyourheart:** cuddlesssssssss

**liedownwithdogs:** hold on

**albertacanada:** school starts in a week right?

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** yeet 

**albertacanada:** never say that again. 

**albertacanada:** anyway 

**albertacanada:** todays wednesday right? we have the party friday so we get spend the weekend sleeping 

**watermelonofyourheart:** i second this plan

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** me too

**tweetybird:** as do i

**liedownwithdogs:** ok cool. so. end of summer party is going to be friday. be here at like 6 i guess idk show up whenever. now, i have a girlfriend to cuddle. 

**santafeisafantase:** lit

_conloncancer has left the chat_

_gOtTaGoFaSt added conloncancer to the chat_

**conloncancer:** shit

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** there’s no escapin us spottie we’re inevitable 

**HoHoHo:** why do u keep spelling spotty differently

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** do !!! not !!! question !!! me !!!

**conloncancer:** i want to fucking die

**Mom:** Language. 

**conloncancer:** hecky hecky i crave death

**watermelonofyourheart:** dave dont even pretend you care about language 

**Mom:** Oh I don’t but I felt like it should be said every now and then. 

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** hEcKy HeCkY i CrAvE dEaTh

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** IM CRYING IN THE CLUB

**crookedpolitician:** alexa play big fun

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** lE gAsP

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** ur a theatre kid???!

**crookedpolitician:** ofc? 

**watermelonofyourheart:** im disappointed in all of u

**realman:** um?? why???

**IkeinMike:** shits real when sarahs disappointed

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** where the shitty shit did u come from 

**IkeinMike:** why is sarah disappointed 

**watermelonofyourheart:** nope not telling. i’m waiting for someone to notice. for so called theatre kids u guys succ

**crunchywithagood:** what the fuck is up kyle

**blindboi:** NO

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** i think i speak for all of us when i say iM gOiNg BaCk To SlEeP bItChEs ItS tOo EaRlY 

**conloncancer:** yea same

**santafeisafantase:** i have a stressed boyfriend to cuddle so bye fam

 

_**i cant believe youve done this** 9:58 a.m._

 

**MikeinIke:** soooo whatd i miss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heh whoops
> 
> is that,,,, plot i see??? whod a thunk
> 
> give me ides for this plzzzz bc i only have so much planned so any idea is a good idea
> 
> theres only like two major plotlines that i have planned right now so i seriously need help


	5. mOtHmAn, rip specs, plot???

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **masterhiggins:** hope you got knee pads bitch 
> 
> **keepyashirton:** what the actual-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this. is. a. mess. 
> 
> Usernames: 
> 
> Jack: santafeisafantase  
> Davey: Mom  
> Kath: liedownwithdogs  
> Sarah: watermelonofyourheart  
> Race: gOtTaGoFaSt  
> Spot: conloncancer  
> Crutchie: purestboi  
> Albert: albertacanada  
> Elmer: crookedpolitician  
> Mush; crunchywithagood  
> Blink: blindboi  
> Romeo: realman  
> Specs: wherethefuckismyshoe  
> Buttons: zippers  
> Jojo: HoHoHo  
> Mike: IkeinMike  
> Ike: MikeinIke  
> Tommy Boy: keepyashirton  
> Henry: sourpickle  
> Smalls: tolchild
> 
> this is honestly really bad like i dont even know what to say 
> 
> also for some reason some of the formatting didnt work so sorry heh

_**I cant believe youve done this** 4:20 p.m. ___

__**gOtTaGoFaSt:** bLaZe It_ _

__**albertacanada:** blaze it_ _

__**HoHoHo:** b l a z e i t_ _

__

___**I cant believe youve done this** 1:42 a.m._ _ _

__**crookedpolitician:** why do hotel pools have hours_ _

__**Mom:** Probably to make sure no one drowns in the middle of the night. _ _

__**crookedpolitician:** ye ok valid bUt there arent lifeguards in the first place so like if you drown at 3 in the afternoon ur dead if you drown at 3 in the morning ur dead either way bye bye ur dead_ _

__**sourpickle:** hey el quick question _ _

__**sourpickle:** what the fuck_ _

__**Mom:** Just. Go. To. Sleep._ _

__**crookedpolitician:** fine mom_ _

__**sourpickle:** gn mom_ _

__

___**i cant believe youve done this** 12:06 p.m._ _ _

__

__**albertacanada:** mothman_ _

__**santafeisafantase:** ?????_ _

__**gOtTaGoFaSt:** theres no need to feel down_ _

__**crookedpolitician:** i said_ _

__**albertacanada:** MOTHMAN _ _

__**santafeisafantase:** n O_ _

__**gOtTaGoFaSt:** pick urself off the ground_ _

__**conloncancer:** i said_ _

__**santafeisafantase:** o god u too???_ _

__**santafeisafantase:** dont?? incourage??? them?? _ _

__**albertacanada:** MOTHMAN_ _

__**crookedpolitician:** cause ur new in a town _ _

__**gOtTaGoFaSt:** theres no need. to. be. u n h a p p y._ _

___santafeisafantase left the chat_ _ _

__**gOtTaGoFaSt:** well shit_ _

__**albertacanada:** damn_ _

___gOtTaGoFaSt added santafeisafantase to i cant believe youve done this_ _ _

__**santafeisafantase:** i cannot stress this enough- you guys are serious dumbasses_ _

__**wherethefuckismyshoe:** guys never and i repeat NEVER get your eyes dilated_ _

__**crookedpoliticion:** thanks for the tip??_ _

__**wherethefuckismyshoe:** numb eyes is the weirdest fucking feeling on the face of the goddamn earth_ _

__**gOtTaGoFaSt:** sWeAr JaR _ _

__**realman:** we don’t have a swear jar???_ _

__**gOtTaGoFaSt:** wE dO nOw_ _

__**conloncancer:** hey race_ _

__**gOtTaGoFaSt:** wOt_ _

__**conloncancer:** shut the fuck up_ _

__**wherethefuckismyshoe:** hellooooo im suffering over here???_ _

__**wherethefuckismyshoe:** like my pupils are hUgE???_ _

__**realman:** mmm sounds like a personal problem _ _

__**wherethefuckismyshoe:** wOw i come here for love and support and this is what i get_ _

__**wherethefuckismyshoe:** from my own bOyFrIeNd_ _

__**realman:** like i said,,,,_ _

___wherethefuckismyshoe removed realman from i cant believe youve done this_ _ _

___gOtTaGoFaSt added realman to i cant believe youve done this_ _ _

__**realman:** ok r00d_ _

__**watermelonofyourheart:** waddup im jared i’m 19 and i never fuckin learned how to read _ _

__**liedownwithdogs:** nope that’s it i’m breaking up with you_ _

__**crunchywithagood:** what do u have against vine kath _ _

__**liedownwithdogs:** the app is dead let it go_ _

__**crookedpoliticion:** did,,, did you just quote be more chill at us???_ _

__**liedownwithdogs:** um yea_ _

__**IkeinMike:** damn bro_ _

__**MikeinIke:** what the fahck do u have against vine_ _

__**liedownwithdogs:** honestly nothing really. _ _

__**watermelonofyourheart:** tAkE mE bAcKkK_ _

__**albertacanada:** you know what im realizing as we get deeper and deeper into this chat_ _

__**albertacanada:** we spend way too much time with master higgins _ _

__**conloncancer:** master higgins???_ _

__**keepyashirton:** master higgins???_ _

__**santafeisafantase:** master higgins???_ _

__**IkeinMike:** master,,, higgins,,??_ _

__**realman:** master higgins sjfnwjng_ _

__**wherethefuckismyshoe:** master higgins??_ _

__**Mom:** Master Higgins?_ _

__**zippers:** master higgins????_ _

__**albertacanada:** oKaY oKaY i get it_ _

__**albertacanada:** i swear i meant to say mister higgins_ _

__**HoHoHo:** like thats any better _ _

__**albertacanada:** ok fair_ _

___gOtTaGoFaSt changed their username to masterhiggins_ _ _

__**masterhiggins:** hope you got knee pads bitch _ _

__**keepyashirton:** what the actual-_ _

__**conloncancer:** no_ _

___conloncancer change masterhiggins’s username to gOtTaGoFaSt_ _ _

__**gOtTaGoFaSt:** r00d_ _

__

___**\-------** _ _ _

___**gOtTaGoFaSt** to **conloncancer** 12:47 p.m._ _ _

__

__**gOtTaGoFaSt:** hey spottyyyyyyyy_ _

__**conloncancer:** hey tony _ _

__**conloncancer:** wait why *do* you spell spotty differently_ _

__**gOtTaGoFaSt:** im tellin u the same thing i told jojo_ _

__**gOtTaGoFaSt:** do !! not !! question !! me !!_ _

__**conloncancer:** ur like the dumbest smart person ive ever met_ _

__**gOtTaGoFaSt:** thank u???_ _

__**gOtTaGoFaSt:** a n y w a y_ _

__**gOtTaGoFaSt:** do u know what today is?_ _

__**conloncancer:** whats today racer?_ _

__**gOtTaGoFaSt:** we met today 10 years ago_ _

__**conloncancer:** you kept the date?_ _

__**gOtTaGoFaSt:** ofc i did :)_ _

___**\-------** _ _ _

___**gOtTaGoFaSt** to **HoHoHo** and **albertacanada** 12:51 p.m. _ _ _

__

__**gOtTaGoFaSt:** god i love him so much _ _

__**HoHoHo:** Spot again?_ _

__**gOtTaGoFaSt:** yea its spot again_ _

__**gOtTaGoFaSt:** its always spot _ _

__**albertacanada:** maybe u should just tell him already??? I mean uve known him for what ten years?_ _

__**gOtTaGoFaSt:** ten today yea_ _

__**HoHoHo:** and uve been pining for like 5 or 6 at this point_ _

__**albertacanada:** racer for the sake of everyone just tell him_ _

__**gOtTaGoFaSt:** i cant, i just cant _ _

__**HoHoHo:** why not?? it’s what i did with buttons and look at where we are now_ _

__**albertacanada:** and it’s vry obvious that boy is head over heels for u_ _

__**gOtTaGoFaSt:** riiiiiiite_ _

__**albertacanada:** i can’t believe ur making me do this_ _

__

___**——** _ _ _

___**i cant believe youve done this** 1:00 p.m. _ _ _

__**albertacanada:** hey conlon_ _

__**conloncancer:** what do u want dasilva _ _

__**keepyashirton:** testy today aren’t ya_ _

__**conloncancer:** oh shut it _ _

__**albertacanada:** anyway,, race was wondering if ud drive him to kath’s tomorrow _ _

__**conloncancer:** yea ofc _ _

__

___**——** _ _ _

___**albertacanada** to **gOtTaGoFaSt** and **HoHoHo** 1:04 p.m._ _ _

__**albertacanada:** still not convinced?????_ _

__**gOtTaGoFaSt:** that doesn’t mean anything_ _

__**gOtTaGoFaSt:** he’s my best friend of course he’d give me a ride_ _

__**albertacanada:** :/_ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yall i swear BlEaSe give me ideassssssss like i need it
> 
> ALSO should i do some actually writing for the party?? i know what i want to happen at the party but im not sure if i should do some real writing or just stick to the gc aftermath stuff. so yea some help with this would be nice.


	6. theatre lyric chain hour

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **gOtTaGoFaSt:** what time is it?
> 
> **HoHoHo:** SHOWTIME
> 
> **gOtTaGoFaSt:** no bitch 
> 
> **HoHoHo:** wow r00d
> 
> **gOtTaGoFaSt:** theatre lyric chain hour bItChEs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guys im sorry. this was super rushed cause i write most of these and post them at night and ive just been busy and tired the last two days so sorry. also sorry for not posting yesterday. 
> 
> this party is getting really dragged out because i know im going to need a lot more time to write it cause i want it to be really good. so yea. take this piece of garbage. 
> 
>  
> 
> Usernames-
> 
> Jack: santafeisafantase  
> Davey: Mom  
> Kath: liedownwithdogs  
> Sarah: watermelonofyourheart  
> Race: gOtTaGoFaSt  
> Spot: conloncancer  
> Crutchie: purestboi  
> Albert: albertacanada  
> Elmer: crookedpolitician  
> Mush; crunchywithagood  
> Blink: blindboi  
> Romeo: realman  
> Specs: wherethefuckismyshoe  
> Buttons: zippers  
> Jojo: HoHoHo  
> Mike: IkeinMike  
> Ike: MikeinIke  
> Tommy Boy: keepyashirton/tomato  
> Henry: sourpickle  
> Smalls: tolchild
> 
> yall west end heathers is like amazing??

_**i cant believe youve done this** 10:00 p.m._

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** what time is it?

**HoHoHo:** SHOWTIME

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** no bitch 

**HoHoHo:** wow r00d

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** theatre lyric chain hour bItChEs

**keepyashirton:** and why is this a thing

**crookedpolitician:** because why the fuck not tomato

**realman:** TOMATO 

**realman:** IM CRYING IN THE CLUB RIGHT NOW

_conloncancer changed keepyashirton’s name to tomato_

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** ayyyy spotty is catching on

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** anyway. we all agree on a song and then lyric chain the whole thing

**watermelonofyourheart:** blood in the water from legally blonde?

**santafeisafantase:** valid choice bUt

**Mom:** No.

**santafeisafantase:** babe let me speak 

**santafeisafantase:** a n y w a y a s i w a s s a y i n g

**santafeisafantase:** as a santa fe stan, the only truly valid choice would be santa fe from rent

**tweetybird:** or if we really wanted to be iconic we could do four jews from falsettos

_**\---** _

_**santafeisafantase** to **Mom** 10:08 p.m._

**santafeisafantase:** hey babyyyyyyyy

**Mom:** Hi Jackie

**santafeisafantase:** where r uuuuu

**Mom:** I’m literally in the kitchen, Jackie.

**santafeisafantase:** thats not where u should be tho

**Mom:** And where, pray tell, would that be?

**santafeisafantase:** here, with me, sleeping soundly in our bed

**Mom:** Yea ok fine. 

 

_**\---** _

_**I cant believe youve done this** 10:16 p.m. _

 

**albertacanada:** ok so we’re doing never shut up again from west end heathers?

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** yeeeeeeeeeeet

**conloncancer:** ur a fucking dumbass race

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** why thank you spottie

**HoHoHo:** im starting bitches

**HoHoHo:** Heather choked

**realman:** bought the farm

**crunchywithagood:** she could not hack it

**tomato:** now we need a strong arm

**watermelonofyourheart:** to run this racket

**santafeisafantase:** heather’s out who will rise

**crookedpolitician:** gotta fill that vacuum

**tolchild:** its my turn

**sourpickle:** its my prize

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** i spit lighting

**conloncancer:** crack bOoM

**albertacanada:** huh, fitting 

**albertacanada:** i bit my tongue so long

**tweetybird:** i learned to count to ten

**tomato:** my silence made me strong

**HoHoHo:** i did my time and then a house dropped on her head

**crookedpolitician:** the witch is dead

**zippers:** ding dong

**purestboi:** Move bitch, this is my song

**tweetybired:** damn babe

**blindboi:** i will never shut up again

**wherethefuckismyshoe:** i will never shut up again

**IkeinMike:** brand new day watching dreams come true

**MikeinIke:** well for me

**MikeinIke:** not for u

**liedownwithdogs:** cause ill never shut up again

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** girls like me dont climb high

**conloncancer:** cant crack that ceiling

**blindboi:** but now i scrape the sky

**Mom:** It’s you who’s kneeling.

**HoHoHo:** heather’s pet, ur old news

**albertacanada:** look at u

**crookedpolitician:** ur busted

**crunchywithagood:** u think ull fill her shoes

**blindboi:** too late i just did

**conloncancer:** now i dont mean to brag

**tomato:** once i was one of u 

**sourpickle:** but now i am the flag

**zippers:** u pledge allegiance to

**IkeinMike:** i am the dream u chase

**albertacanada:** im ur amazing grace

**liedownwithdogs:** yo partys at my place

**lesmis:** once u were geeky and nerdy 

**lesmis:** now ur flirty freaky and dirty

**lesmis:** oh shit wrong song ok bye

**watermelonofyourheart:** okayyyyy moving on

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** i will never shut up again

**conloncancer:** i will never shut up again

**realman:** brand new day

**santafeisafantase:** now we’re finally free

**tweetybird:** free to worship me

**crunchywithagood:** cause ill never shut up-

**wherethefuckismyshoe:** sHuT uP

**crunchywithagood:** wow r00d

**tolchild:** dont judge me

**zippers:** little miss innocence

**blindboi:** ur hands aint clean

**Mom:** I’ve seen your fingerprints.

**IkeinMike:** u act so uptight

**MikeinIke:** so virgin white

**santafeisafamtase:** but i heard from the boys

**crookedpolitician:** what u were up to last night

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** veronica’s my wet dream

**conloncancer:** veronica likes to scream

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** veronica took one for the team

**conloncancer:** she took two for the team

**tolchild:** what?

**conloncancer:** that girl was on her back

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** that girl was big fun

**realman:** big fun

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** we smoked her crack

**conloncancer:** that crack was big fun

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** and thats when things went south

**conloncancer:** we had a swordfight in her mouth

**watermelonofherheart:** dang diggity

**liedownwithdogs:** dang-a-dang

**tweetybird:** freak!

**toldchild:** dang diggity

**liedownwithdogs:** dang-a-dang

**watermelonofyourheart:** dang diggity

**toldchild:** dang-a-dang

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** swordfight in her mouth

**conloncancer:** ha

**albertacanada:** i will never shut up again

**HoHoHo:** i will never shut up again

**tomato:** im on fire and ur my fuel

**blindboi:** u should find a new school

**wherethefuckismyshoe:** cause ill never shut up again

**realman:** (never shut up again)

**crunchywithagood:** no-

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** nO-

**conloncancer:** no-

**watermelonofyourheart:** no!

**santafeisafantase:** no-

**HoHoHo:** n o-

**albertacanada:** moo-

**purestboi:** no-

**crookedpolitician:** no-

**zippers:** no-

**Mom:** No-

**blindboi:** no!

**tweetybird:** all hail the queen

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** shit this is a lot of work

**conloncancer:** no dip sherlock

**tomato:** we finishin or not

**MikeinIke:** i wear the read

**IkeinMike:** (never shut up again)

**albertacanada:** the scrunchie’s on my head

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** hA iMaGiNe AlBeRt In A sCrUnChIe

**santafeisafantase:** shut the fahck up

**sourpickle:** u cant run

**tolchild:** u cant hide

**zipper:** i am a crimson tide

**HoHoHo:** (never shut up again) 

**tomato:** u better mind what u do

**realman:** big sister’s watching u

**wherethefuckismyshoe:** (never shut up again)

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** can i get an amen?

**conloncancer:** HEY

**purestboi:** cause i will never shut up again

**tweetybird:** (never shut up again) 

**santafeisafantase:** whos gonna end it

**tomato:** i mean it was race’s idea in the first place

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** yeet ill end

**tomato:** i take it back

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** too late

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** Hah!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im thinkin that while i get the party planned im going to write either random shit for the groupchat or maybe some relationship fluff cuz thats easier to write. 
> 
> let me know what yall want pleaseeee


	7. i dont even know what this is

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _**I cant believe youve done this** 3:52 a.m._
> 
>  
> 
>  **gOtTaGoFaSt:** whats up bitches

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guys i dont know i really don't like i honestly just kinda pulled this shit out of thin air
> 
> Usernames:
> 
> Race- gOtTaGoFaSt  
> Jojo- HoHoHo  
> Albert- albertacanada  
> Spot- conloncancer  
> Sarah-watermelonofyourheart  
> Elmer- crookedpolitician  
> Smalls- tolchild  
> Henry- sourpickle  
> Tommy Boy- tomato
> 
>  
> 
> i just realized that tommy boy shows up for literally .2 seconds whoopsie daisy

_**I cant believe youve done this** 3:52 a.m._

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** whats up bitches

 **HoHoHo:** you know

 **HoHoHo:** i was about to ask why the fuck ur up

 **HoHoHo:** then i remembered im up too hA

 **albertacanada:** u both r dumbasses 

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** thank you alb

 **crookedpolitician:** god i love christian bottle

 **crookedpolitician:** shit 

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** oh my god same 

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** christian bottle is an i c o n

 **sourpickle:** who the fuck is christian bottle???

 **crookedpolitician:** christian borle you assholes

 **gOtTaGoFaSt:** oh shit he actually is an iCoN though

 **conloncancer:** why are u guys up at 4 fuckin am 

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** you know

 **gOtTaGoFaSt:** i could ask you the sAmE tHiNg

 **conloncancer:** have i mentioned ur an idiot

 **gOtTaGoFaSt:** once or twice

 **watermelonofyourheart:** whats goin on

 **watermelonofyourheart:** ah yes race is being an idiot i see 

**sourpickle:** ok im like really new to this 

**sourpickle:** is there ever a time when race isnt bein an idiot

 **conloncancer:** you my friend are a quick learner

 **sourpickle:** why thank you good sir

 **crookedpolitician:** what the fuuuuuuck

 **crookedpolitician:** this chat is weird at 4 in the morning

 **albertacanada:** this chat is weird no matter what the hour

 **watermelonofyourheart:** yo why do musicals have like nO fReAkInG aLtOs

 **tolchild:** cuz

 **tolchild:** altos are rare and special beings

 **tolchild:** and im obviously not saying that becuase im an alto

 **HoHoHo:** heather duke is an alto

 **watermelonofyourheart:** ok valid but thats one character out of like 6 shows i searched

 **sourpickle:** brooke and christine from bmc are both altos

 **watermelonofyourheart:** no, theyre mezzo-soprano, altos

 **watermelonofyourheart:** thats different

 **albertacanada:** abuela claudia and daniela (from le salon) are both altos

 **watermelonofyourheart:** seeeeee we’re getting somewhere!!!!

 **tolchild:** we need to slide into some dms and finess our way to a full alto casted show 

**watermelonofyourheart:** im stealing your sister cowboy

 **gOtTaGoFaSt:** jacky boy aint here

 **conloncancer:** yeah cause he actually knows what sleep is

 **albertacanada:** sleep?

 **gOtTaGoFaSt:** dont know her

 **conloncancer:** yeah clearly

 **watermelonofyourheart:** YALL 

**watermelonofyourheart:** I KNOW WE LITERALLY DID A SONG FROM IT EARLIER

 **watermelonofyourheart:** BUT UK HEATHERS IS A WHOLE BOP

 **crookedpolitician:** and ur just realizing this like now?

 **watermelonofyourheart:** yes?

 **tolchild:** sarah we been kNeW

 **sourpickle:** yea seriously 

**sourpickle:** i mean uk heathers has been closed for like months at this point 

**crookedpolitician:** bitch you slow

 **watermelonofyourheart:** wow r00d

 **tomato:** whats going on 

**conloncancer:** well shit

 **conloncancer:** i swear ta god if romeo shows up im gone

 **gOtTaGoFaSt:** honestly same

 **gOtTaGoFaSt:** that boy is a mess at 4 am

 **tolchild:** you say that as if uve experienced that a lot..

 **watermelonofyourheart:** we have

 **gOtTaGoFaSt:** we have

 **albertacanada:** we hAvE

 **HoHoHo:** w e h a v e 

**conloncancer:** we have

 **crookedpolitician:** well shit my doods

 **gOtTaGoFaSt:** guys

 **HoHoHo:** brace yourselves

 **gOtTaGoFaSt:** oh shut it

 **albertacanada:** jo isnt wRoNg

 **gOtTaGoFaSt:** shut. It. 

**conloncancer:** ladies and gentleman that is the one and only time you will see racetrack higgins use actual punctuation

 **gOtTaGoFaSt:** am i ever going to get to finish my thought

 **watermelonofyourheart:** what is this thought of yours 

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** thank you sarah

 **gOtTaGoFaSt:** my thought is,,,

 **gOtTaGoFaSt:** we really need upper and lower case numbers and symbols and stuff

 **HoHoHo:** shit u rite

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that was a serious trip
> 
> sorry it was so short but its just kinda random and more for fun then for plot. the next chapter is going to be less groupchat and more individual conversations i think. i feel like i need to develop these relationships more so give me suggestions for that!!
> 
> also that alto conversation was inspired by a very real conversation i had with my friends, as an alto myself. 
> 
> i also mistyped christian borle as bottle in the a different chat only a few minutes before. 
> 
> but i love him??? so much???
> 
> basically, a lot of this fic is taken from my own conversations with friends.


	8. michael mell is an icon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is literally so short and shitty but im tired and i wanna go to sleep but i felt like i needed to get something out tonight. 
> 
> the next chapter should be the party but if its not itll be just some relationship fluff cuz thats easy to write 
> 
> Usernames-
> 
> Jack: santafeisafantase  
> Davey: Mom  
> Kath: liedownwithdogs  
> Sarah: watermelonofyourheart  
> Race: gOtTaGoFaSt  
> Spot: conloncancer  
> Crutchie: purestboi  
> Albert: albertacanada  
> Elmer: crookedpolitician  
> Mush; crunchywithagood  
> Blink: blindboi  
> Romeo: realman  
> Specs: wherethefuckismyshoe  
> Buttons: zippers  
> Jojo: HoHoHo  
> Mike: IkeinMike  
> Ike: MikeinIke  
> Tommy Boy: keepyashirton/tomato  
> Henry: sourpickle  
> Smalls: tolchild
> 
> dRiNkInG gAmE take a shot every time someone says bitch
> 
> PlEaSe DoNt Do ThAt DrInK rEsPoNsIvElY
> 
> tAkE a ShOt Of OrAnGe JuIcE oR sOmEtHiNg

_**i cant believe youve done this** 9:31 a.m. _

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** hAi

 **conloncancer:** oh no 

_gOtTaGoFaSt changed the chat name to bEsT fRiEnD sQuAd_

**crookedpolitician:** nO

 **watermelonyourheart:** i just threw up 

**albertacanada:** ok im just going ignore race for yk the rest of my life

 **gOtTaGoFaSt:** you looooove meeeee

 **albertacanada:** ew

 **HoHoHo:** yo kath what time should we come to ya apartment

 **liedownwithdogs:** idk

 **liedownwithdogs:** some point after like 3 works i guess?

 **HoHoHo:** kewl

 **zippers:** hold on

 **zippers:** kewl??

 **HoHoHo:** dont @ me like this babeeee

 **zipper:** love youuuuu

 **HoHoHo:** i love ya too

 **watermelonofyourheart:** throwing up againnnnnn

 **tomato:** yo whos goin to the party thing tnite

 **gOtTaGoFaSt:** sono

 **conloncancer:** i am 

**IkeinMike:** me and Ike are goin

 **albertacanada:** i think its safe to assume we’re all goin

 **Mom:** Oh god.

 **santafeisafantase:** rip u babe

 **Mom:** You’re lucky I love you, hun.

 **santafeisafantase:** love you <3

 **watermelonofyourheart:** still throwing up

 **liedownwithdogs:** oh shush and come cuddle

 **watermelonofyourheart:** cOmInG

 **liedownwithdogs:** dork

 **crunchywithagood:** yo

 **blindboi:** yo

 **realman:** where the fahck have u guys been tf

 **blinboi:** you rlly wanna know?

 **wherethefuckismyshoe:** no no he doesnt

 **crunchywithagood:** good choice

 **tweetybird:** what are we even doing tnite 

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** drinking im sure

 **sourpickle:** you do remember that like like 3 of us aint legally able ta drink

 **gOtTaGoFaSt:** soooo dont drink

 **gOtTaGoFaSt:** problem solved

 **tolchild:** ur an ass

 **gOtTaGoFaSt:** oh i know 

**crookedpolitician:** course he does

 **gOtTaGoFaSt:** al control ur boyf 

**crookedpolitician:** bitch i aint boyf im riend 

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** a michael stan i see?

 **crookedpolitician:** bitch mell is an icon a legend a queen

 **gOtTaGoFaSt:** al 

**albertacanada:** what you little shit

 **gOtTaGoFaSt:** wow how rude

 **gOtTaGoFaSt:** i have a proposition

 **conloncancer:** this cant be good

 **gOtTaGoFaSt:** how about you give me ya boyfriend

 **albertacanada:** bitch no wtf

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gimme relationships you want me to write more for and i will hecking deliver
> 
> michael mell is a queen fite me
> 
> can you tell i wrote this half asleep


	9. uwu relationships and shit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is a whole mess

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guys this is all over the place but i felt it was necessary 
> 
> its mainly fluff but it gets kinda spicy and a little angsty
> 
> Usernames-
> 
> Jack: santafeisafantase  
> Davey: Mom  
> Kath: liedownwithdogs  
> Sarah: watermelonofyourheart  
> Race: gOtTaGoFaSt  
> Spot: conloncancer  
> Crutchie: purestboi  
> Albert: albertacanada  
> Elmer: crookedpolitician  
> Mush; crunchywithagood  
> Blink: blindboi  
> Romeo: realman  
> Specs: wherethefuckismyshoe  
> Buttons: zippers  
> Jojo: HoHoHo
> 
> hAvE fUn

_**Mom** to **santafeisafantase** 11:48 a.m._

**santafeisafantase:** hey babyyyyy

 **Mom:** Hey.

 **santafeisafantase:** babyyyyyyy

 **Mom:** What’s up honey.

 **santafeisafantase:** wes been dating for 6 years right?

 **Mom:** Yep. Why?

 **santafeisafantase:** do you love me

 **Mom:** What the fuck, of course I do Jackie.

 **santafeisafantase:** do you wanna spend the rest of ya life with me Davey

 **Mom:** Are you seriously proposing to me over text, Jack?

 **santafeisafantase:** fuck no who do you take me as

 **santafeisafantase:** just answer the question love

 **Mom:** Yeah, I wanna spend the rest of my life with you.

 **santafeisafantase:** i love ya davey

 **Mom:** I love you, Jack

_**\---** _

_**crunchywithagood** to **blindboi** 2:21 p.m._

**blindboi:** mushhyyyyyy

 **crunchywithagood:** hey blink 

**blindboi:** i’s coldddd

 **crunchywithagood:** babe im literally in the other room

 **blindboi:** ok but you were here with me and now youre not this is an issue 

**crunchywithagood:** youre a dork

 **blindboi:** please come cuddle me babbyyy

 **crunchywithagood:** you’s real cute ya know

 **crunchywithagood:** im comin

 **blindboi:** yayyyyyyy

 

_**\---** _

_**tweetybird** to **purestboi** 3:08 a.m._

**purestboi:** finchyyyyy

 **tweetybird:** what sweetie

 **purestboi:** come over?

 **tweetybird:** of course

 **tweetybird:** ya leg hurtin?

 **purestboi:** little bit

 **purestboi:** but i just wanna see youuuuu

 **tweetybird:** im omw

 **purestboi:** :) <3

 **tweetybird:** <3

 

_**\----** _

_**realman** to **wherethefuckismyshoe** 3:30 p.m._

**realman:** speccyyyyy

 **wherethefuckismyshoe:** speccy? thats a new one

 **wherethefuckismyshoe:** whats up rome

 **realman:** wanna go to the party togetha

 **wherethefuckismyshoe:** maybe we’ll find my shoe

 **realman:** bitch we found your shoe

 **wherethefuckismyshoe:** i am offended

 **wherethefuckismyshoe:** betrayed

 **wherethefuckismyshoe:** hoodwinked

 **realman:** ur an idiot 

**wherethefuckismyshoe:** you love meeeee

 **realman:** maybe i do

 **realman:** maybe i dont

 

_**\----** _

_**liedownwithdogs** to **watermelonofyourheart** 3:34 p.m._

**watermelonofyourheart:** babbeeeeee

 **liedownwithdogs:** what baby

 **watermelonofyourheart:** im hoorrnnyyyy

 **liedownwithdogs:** your point?

 **watermelonofyourheart:** wdym ‘your point’?? Im horny you bitch

 **liedownwithdogs:** i got a party to set up for.

 **watermelonofyourheart:** i can be there in 5

 **liedownwithdogs:** ykw why tf not just hurry 

 

_**\-----** _

_**zippers** to **HoHoHo** 3:56 a.m._

**HoHoHo:** hey sweetie

 **zippers:** hey jo

 **zippers:** whats up

 **HoHoHo:** i love you

 **HoHoHo:** so much 

**zippers:** i love you more

 **HoHoHo:** impossible

 **zippers:** possible

 **HoHoHo:** nope :P

 

_**\------** _

**albertacanada** to **crookedpolitician** 4:11 a.m.

 **crookedpolitician:** albie

 **crookedpolitician:** please answer me

 **albertacanada:** whats wrong???

 **crookedpolitician:** attack

 **albertacanada:** ok baby just breathe

 **albertacanada:** in and out

 **albertacanada:** want me to come over?

 **crookedpolitician:** please?

 **albertacanada:** course baby 

**albertacanada:** just hang in there 

**albertacanada:** keep breathin for me 

**crookedpolitician:** ‘k 

**crookedpolitician:** love you 

**albertacanada:** i love you too el

 **albertacanada:** keep breathing

 **albertacanada:** ill be there soon baby

 

_**\----** _

**gOtTaGoFaSt** to **conloncancer** 4:30 p.m.

 **gOtTaGoFaSt:** hey spotty

 **conloncancer:** hey racer

 **conloncancer:** whats up 

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** im bored so im askin ya some questions 

**conloncancer:** ok?

 **gOtTaGoFaSt:** question one

 **gOtTaGoFaSt:** as your best friend its my duty to know if you are currently crushing mr conlon

 **conloncancer:** youre weird

 **conloncancer:** but if you must know

 **conloncancer:** yes i am

 **gOtTaGoFaSt:** you are?

 **conloncancer:** mmhmm

 **gOtTaGoFaSt:** who is it???

 **conloncancer:** i am NOT telling you

 **gOtTaGoFaSt:** why not??? Spottiiieeeee im your best friend come on tell meee

 **conloncancer:** nope

 **gOtTaGoFaSt:** :/ meanie

 **conloncancer:** what are you 8?

 **gOtTaGoFaSt:** yes yes i am

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bruh im not sorry
> 
> (edit; i just actually read over this and realized its actual shit so um thats great im not fixing it whoops)
> 
> i promise the next chapter will be the party but that means it might be a few days im sorryyyy
> 
> i would say ill try to get some filler chapters out in the mean time but i have literally no more room to do that so um whoops 
> 
> ALSO
> 
> I DONT HAVE MUCH PLANNED FOR THIS PARTY SO IF YOU GUYS HAVE ANY IDEAS AT ALL PLEASE TELL ME CAUSE I WANT THIS PARTY TO BE ENTERTAINING AND SUCH


	10. the party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _gOtTaGoFaSt has left the chat_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yall im so sorry for the lack of updates, ive been really busy with recital rehearsals and just flat out not knowing where to go with this chapter, but now that recital is over, im back to writing this. this is really short but i felt like i needed to get something out. i might end up changing this chapter but im not sure. i hope this isnt awful!!
> 
> Usernames-
> 
> Jack: santafeisafantase  
> Davey: Mom  
> Kath: liedownwithdogs  
> Sarah: watermelonofyourheart  
> Race: gOtTaGoFaSt  
> Spot: conloncancer  
> Crutchie: purestboi  
> Albert: albertacanada  
> Elmer: crookedpolitician  
> Mush; crunchywithagood  
> Blink: blindboi  
> Romeo: realman  
> Specs: wherethefuckismyshoe  
> Buttons: zippers  
> Jojo: HoHoHo  
> Henry: sourpickle  
> Smalls: tolchild

_(The day after the party)_

_**bEsT fRiEnD sQuAd** _

_gOtTaGoFaSt has left the chat_

 

_**\----** _

_**gOtTaGoFaSt, HoHoHo, albertacanada** _

**albertacanada:** yo dude why’d you leave

 **gOtTaGoFaSt:** dont wanna talk about it

 

_**\---** _

_**bEsT fRiEnD sQuAd** _

**liedownwithdogs:** did everyone make it home ok, besides from tommy boy who’s still asleep?

 **tolchild:** i did

 **Mom:** Jack and I did.

 **HoHoHo:** buttons and i made it back to my dorm!

 **albertacanada:** same here

 **santafeisafantase:** are we all just going to ignore that race left

 **tweetybird:** shit u rite

 

_**\---** _

**conloncancer** to **sourpickle**

 **conloncancer:** what happened last night was a one time thing and will not happen again, ya hear?

 **sourpickle:** loud and clear

_**\---** _

_**bEsT fRiEnD sQuAd** _

**santafeisafantase:** conlon do u know whats up with him?

 **conloncancer:** no

 **albertacanada:** what even happened last night?

 **liedownwithdogs:** highlights; race and davey flat out destroyed everyone at beer pong, “HOW DID LES GET HERE?”, race tried to do a handstand on a chair, bill and darcy crashed and teamed up on beer pong to wreck race and davey. 

**albertacanada:** well shit

 **tomato:** OK WHO THE FUCK DREW ALL OVER MY FACE

 **HoHoHo:** it was finch

 **tweetybird:** it was jo

 **tomato:** assholes

 

_**\---** _

__**conloncancer** to **gOtTaGoFaSt** _ _

_**conloncancer:** yo tony are you ok?_

_**conloncancer:** tony?_

__conloncancer has been blocked by gOtTaGoFaSt_ _


	11. what the fuck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **albertacanada:** you know what you did asshole

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its here!!! im actually really happy with how this is unfolding!! enjoy!
> 
> Usernames-
> 
> Jack: santafeisafantase  
> Davey: Mom  
> Kath: liedownwithdogs  
> Sarah: watermelonofyourheart  
> Race: gOtTaGoFaSt  
> Spot: conloncancer  
> Crutchie: purestboi  
> Albert: albertacanada  
> Elmer: crookedpolitician  
> Mush; crunchywithagood  
> Blink: blindboi  
> Romeo: realman  
> Specs: wherethefuckismyshoe  
> Buttons: zippers  
> Jojo: HoHoHo  
> Mike: IkeinMike  
> Ike: MikeinIke  
> Tommy Boy: keepyashirton/tomato  
> Henry: sourpickle  
> Smalls: tolchild
> 
> sorry in advance for how short it is!

_**bEsT fRiEnD sQuAd** _

**conloncancer:** what the fuck

**conloncancer:** he blocked me 

**conloncancer:** race fucking blocked me

**realman:** wot the fuck

**albertacanada:** ur kidding

**santafeisafantase:** there is no way he actually blocked you

_conloncancer sent an image_

**realman:** what the fuck did you do?!

**conloncancer:** i dont know!!

 

_**\---** _

_**albertacanada, HoHoHo, gOtTaGoFaSt** _

**HoHoHo:** ok race what the fuck happened

**albertacanda:** yeah, seriously, what happened

**albertacanada:** we’s worried about ya dude

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** i already said i dont wanna talk about it

**HoHoHo:** you blocked spot! hes your best friend!! u guys are attatched at the damn hip! what the fuck happened with you guys?

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** nothing its stupid

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** and i was stupid to think he could ever like me back like that

**albertacanada:** what?

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** last night, at the party, i walked into the kitchen to find spot and henry tongue punching the back of each others fucking throats

**HoHoHo:** oh..

**albertacanada:** im sorry, race

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** its fine. it doesnt matter. I just dont wanna talk to him right now.

**HoHoHo:** yeah ok. want us to come over?

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** guys im fine i promise

**albertacanada:** suuuuuuuure

 

_**\---** _

_**bEsT fRiEnD sQuAd** _

**santafeisafantase:** how do u not know? youve got to have some idea

**conloncancer:** i have absolutely no idea, kelly

**conloncancer:** dont ya think i wouldve done something if i had known

**albertacanada:** you know what you did asshole

**HoHoHo:** albert, stop

**albertacanda:** no. he knows exactly what he did

**conloncancer:** what?

**HoHoHo:** albert, im serious, stop

**albertacanada:** fine

**conloncancer:** what is he talking about

**HoHoHo:** hes right tho

**HoHoHo:** you know what you did 

**HoHoHo:** you just dont know race knows

**conloncancer:** what the fuck?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you liked this!! im thinking the next chapter is going to be hopefully a little longer.


	12. finally

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **conloncancer:** jealous? what?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hehehehehehehehehehehehehe
> 
> i wouldve carried on with the angst but i was physically incapable of doing so
> 
> therefore
> 
> they figured their shit out
> 
> youre welcome? 
> 
>  
> 
> Usernames-
> 
> Jack: santafeisafantase  
> Davey: Mom  
> Kath: liedownwithdogs  
> Sarah: watermelonofyourheart  
> Race: gOtTaGoFaSt  
> Spot: conloncancer  
> Crutchie: purestboi  
> Albert: albertacanada  
> Elmer: crookedpolitician  
> Mush; crunchywithagood  
> Blink: blindboi  
> Romeo: realman  
> Specs: wherethefuckismyshoe  
> Buttons: zippers  
> Jojo: HoHoHo  
> Mike: IkeinMike  
> Ike: MikeinIke  
> Tommy Boy: keepyashirton/tomato  
> Henry: sourpickle  
> Smalls: tolchild
> 
> we shall commence to our regularly scheduled programming soon !!

_**conloncancer** to **albertacanada** 10:11 a.m._

**conloncancer:** what are you on about dasilva

**albertacanada:** you didnt hear it from me

**albertacanada:** but race saw you and henry last night

**albertacanada:** and despite his arguments it destroyed him

**conloncancer:** what?

**conloncancer:** why the fuck would he care 

**albertacanada:** aint my secret to tell

**albertacanada:** youll have to ask him urself

**conloncancer:** ya see i would

**conloncancer:** but he kinda blocked me

**albertacanada:** right

**albertacanada:** ill try to convince him to unblock you

**conloncancer:** thank you

**albertcanada:** but if he says no he says no

**conloncancer:** alright

_**\---** _  
_**albertacanada** to **gOtTaGoFaSt** 10:22 a.m._

**albertacanada:** hey race

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** ye

**albertacanada:** hear me out

**albertacanada:** but maybe you should unblock spot and tell him that you saw them 

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** what a great idea

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** except he thinks im just his best friend who has no reason to be this upset over him making out with someone who isnt _me_

**albertacanada:** just tell him!

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** i dont know

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** i mean he clearly doesnt like me back or he wouldnt have made out with henry!

**albertacanada:** everyone was drinking

**albertacanada:** they were probably just drunk

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** fine ill unblock him but i dont plan on telling him

**albertacanada:** ok

**albertacanada:** but youll have to tell him at some point

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** yeah yeah

 

_**\---** _  
_**gOtTaGoFaSt** to **conloncancer** 10:30 a.m._

_gOtTaGoFaSt has unblocked conloncancer_

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** hi spot.

**conloncancer:** tony!

**conloncancer:** whyd u block me?!

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** i walked in on you and henry making out last night and got really mad and jealous that it wasnt me? I guess?

**conloncancer:** jealous? what? 

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** yeah i aint getting out of this. im going to tell you this and then go crawl in a hole

**conloncancer:** what?

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** i like you. a fucking lot. I have for years. 

**conloncancer:** wait what?

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** i really like you. full homo

**conloncancer:** and youre not screwing with me?

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** why would i do that sean

**conloncancer:** god, tony, i like you too

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** come over?

**conloncancer:** already on my way

 

_**\---** _  
_**bEsT fRiEnD sQuAd** 11:58 a.m._

**crookedpolitician:** the gays demand a blood sacrifice 

_conloncancer has added gOtTaGoFaSt to the chat_

**tomato:** did u guys finally figure ur shit out

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** yeah we did

**purestboi:** good!!

**conloncancer:** it really is, aint it babe

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** mhm :) <3

**HoHoHo:** about fucking time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guys i have basically nothing planned for this 
> 
> i mean i have one thing planned but that isnt gonna happen for awhile soooo
> 
> someone give me ideas for this heh
> 
> i GeT tO kEeP mY kNeEcApS


	13. all hail the queen of ass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **conloncancer:** i will literally commit homicide if you dont shut it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im back bitches
> 
> the whole ass part of this was sister inspired by TheJediAssasinGirl hehe
> 
> im planning introducing two OC's into this
> 
> mine which is Armadillo
> 
> and Jedi's (TheJediAssasinGirl), Freckles 
> 
> (I'll try to link other stories with them in the end notes)
> 
>  
> 
> Usernames-
> 
> Jack: santafeisafantase  
> Davey: Mom  
> Kath: liedownwithdogs  
> Sarah: watermelonofyourheart  
> Race: gOtTaGoFaSt  
> Spot: conloncancer  
> Crutchie: purestboi  
> Albert: albertacanada  
> Elmer: crookedpolitician  
> Mush; crunchywithagood  
> Blink: blindboi  
> Romeo: realman  
> Specs: wherethefuckismyshoe  
> Buttons: zippers  
> Jojo: HoHoHo  
> Mike: IkeinMike  
> Ike: MikeinIke  
> Tommy Boy: keepyashirton/tomato  
> Henry: sourpickle  
> Smalls: tolchild

_**bEsT fRiEnD sQuAd** 10:48 a.m._

**watermelonofyourheart:** hayyyy

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** hAy Is FoR hOrSeS

_gOtTaGoFaSt changed their username to hAyIsFoRhOrSeS_

**tomato:** oh my god lnskdnvkjr

**realman:** jdskvns im dying

**conloncancer:** whats happening

**albertacanada:** ur boyfriend being a meme

**albertacanada:** a rlly rlly stupid meme

**hAyIsFoRhOrSeS:** wow rood

**crookedpolitician:** succs 2 succ dude

**hAyIsFoRhOrSeS:** wow i come here to have a good time and im honestly feeling so attacked rn 

**santafeisafantase:** quit ya bellyaching

**hAyIsFoRhOrSeS:** hOw DuR 

**santafeisafantase:** oH i DuR

**hAyIsFoRhOrSeS:** *gAy GaSp*

**conloncancer:** dear god youre idiots

**Mom:** Tell me about it.

**santafeisafantase:** oh you love me

**Mom:** Mayhaps.

 

_**\---** _   
_**Mom** to **santafeisafantase** 11:02 a.m._

**Mom:** I love you, Jack.

**santafeisfantase:** i love you too davey

**santafeisafantase:** do ya wanna go out tonight?

**Mom:** Of course. What time?

**santafeisafantase:** leave the apartment around idk 7:30?

**Mom:** Ok!

_**\---** _   
_**bEsT fRiEnD sQuAd** 11:13 a.m._

**hAyIsFoRhOrSeS:** all hail spot conlon, queen of ass

**conloncancer:** i will fucking murder you

**watermelonofyourheart:** hA nice try

**watermelonofyourheart:** katherine is the queen of ass boo

**hAyIsFoRhOrSeS:** you wish

**hAyIsFoRhOrSeS:** spot clearly has the superior ass

**realman:** guys guys gUyS

**realman:** specs clearly has the best ass

**watermelonofyourheart:** shaddup romeo

**realman:** wow r00d

**santafeisafantase:** sorry but im going with sarah on this

**watermelonofyourheart:** why thank you jack

**hAyIsFoRhOrSeS:** ya know what fine

**hAyIsFoRhOrSeS:** but spot does have a fine ass ass ;)

**conloncancer:** i will literally commit homicide if you dont shut it

_santafeisafantase change the chat name to Katherine Pulitzer, Queen of Ass, and her sidekick Spot Conlon, Princess of Ass_

**realman:** BSKJBDGKASBGKWBKESJFDHGSFKLANG

**realman:** IM CRYING IN THE CLUB

_conloncancer has left the chat_

_hAyIsFoRhOrSeS added conloncancer to the chat_

**conloncancer:** fuck

**hAyIsFoRhOrSeS:** >;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so for some more context on Dil and Freck, read these https://archiveofourown.org/series/1349335
> 
> (Hopefully that works. if it doesnt just copy paste it or something. or search 'Dil and Frecks Take On New York') 
> 
> im rlly excited to get them in here!!!


	14. rip cheese

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **hAyIsFoRhOrSeS:** my gaydar,,,,
> 
> **albertacanada:** its tInGlInG

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THEYRE HEREEEEEE
> 
> WHOOHOOOO
> 
>  
> 
> Usernames-
> 
> Jack: santafeisafantase  
> Davey: Mom  
> Kath: liedownwithdogs  
> Sarah: watermelonofyourheart  
> Race: gOtTaGoFaSt  
> Spot: conloncancer  
> Crutchie: purestboi  
> Albert: albertacanada  
> Elmer: crookedpolitician  
> Mush; crunchywithagood  
> Blink: blindboi  
> Romeo: realman  
> Specs: wherethefuckismyshoe  
> Buttons: zippers  
> Jojo: HoHoHo  
> Mike: IkeinMike  
> Ike: MikeinIke  
> Tommy Boy: keepyashirton/tomato  
> Henry: sourpickle  
> Smalls: tolchild  
> Freckles: Freckles_from_Brooklyn  
> Armadillo: dIlPiCkLeS

_**Katherine Pulitzer, Queen of Ass, and her sidekick Spot Conlon, Princess of Ass** 2:12 a.m._

**hAyIsFoRhOrSeS:** can we talk about how rough cheese has it

**hAyIsFoRhOrSeS:** like cheese has a rough life

**hAyIsFoRhOrSeS:** take cheese in a mousetrap for example

**hAyIsFoRhOrSeS:** like it’s entire purpose in life is to bait murder!

**hAyIsFoRhOrSeS:** against its own will!!!

**hAyIsFoRhOrSeS:** can you imagine how much guilt cheese must feel?!

**hAyIsFoRhOrSeS:** cheese needs more recognition yk

**conloncancer:** oh my god babe, love, sweetheart, light of my life, shut the fuck up and go to sleep

**hAyIsFoRhOrSeS:** tell me to shut up again and im adding your sister to the chat >:)

**conloncancer:** you wouldnt dare

**realman:** woah woah woah spot has a sister?

**HoHoHo:** wow shook

**albertacanada:** dude what the fuck you have a sister now i need to meet her

**conloncancer:** nO please god nO

**hAyIsFoRhOrSeS:** >:)

_hAyIsFoRhOrSeS added Freckles_from_Brooklyn to the chat_

**Freckles_from_Brooklyn:** hey brother

**conloncancer:** hey freck

**conloncancer:** if you could do me a favor and leave that would be great

**Freckles_from_Brooklyn:** mmm yeah no

**realman:** i like you already

**Freckles_from_Brooklyn:** thanks?

**Freckles_from_Brooklyn:** race shut the fuck up and go the sleep

**hAyIsFoRhOrSeS:** >:(

 

_**Katherine Pulitzer, Queen of Ass, and her sidekick Spot Conlon, Princess of Ass** 8:09 a.m._

**tomato:** is there someone else again?

**liedownwithdogs:** i guess so

**wherethefuckismyshoe:** iNtRoDuCe YoUrSeLf

**Freckles_from_Brooklyn:** Freckles, she/her, 19, les, and single

**conloncancer:** yo wait i thought you and dil were together

**Freckles_from_Brooklyn:** hA no

**Freckles_from_Brooklyn:** dude she’s my best friend

**hAyIsFoRhOrSeS:** oop-

**crookedpolitician:** speaking of dil. she pranked me a while ago and i still havent gotten back at her yet so im adding her to this hell hole

**Freckles_from_Brooklyn:** oh yes add her

_crookedpoliticion added dIlPiCkLeS to the chat_

**dIlPiCkLeS:** dear god

**dIlPiCkLeS:** please let me leave

**dIlPiCkLeS:** elmer i stg why must you do this to me

**crookedpolitician:** payback bitch

**Freckles_from_Brooklyn:** hi E!

**dIlPiCkLeS:** oooo hi T!!!

**hAyIsFoRhOrSeS:** my gaydar,,,,

**albertacanada:** its tInGlInG

**dIlPiCkLeS:** what the actual fuck

**watermelonofyourheart:** introduce urslef hun

**dIlPiCkLeS:** Armadillo, she/her, 19, pan, single

**dIlPiCkLeS:** and what the actual fuckity duck is this chat name

**crunchywithagood:** dont ask

**dIlPiCkLeS:** got it


	15. rip kneecaps

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **santafeisafantase:** how fucking rude bitch
> 
> **albertacanada:** ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hA so this sucks sorry bout it
> 
> i literally love writing dil and frecks oh my lawd
> 
> FRECKLES IS NOT MY OC
> 
> FRECKLES IS TheJediAssasinGirl'S OC SKSKSK
> 
>  
> 
> Usernames-
> 
> Jack: santafeisafantase  
> Davey: Mom  
> Kath: liedownwithdogs  
> Sarah: watermelonofyourheart  
> Race: gOtTaGoFaSt  
> Spot: conloncancer  
> Crutchie: purestboi  
> Albert: albertacanada  
> Elmer: crookedpolitician  
> Mush; crunchywithagood  
> Blink: blindboi  
> Romeo: realman  
> Specs: wherethefuckismyshoe  
> Buttons: zippers  
> Jojo: HoHoHo  
> Mike: IkeinMike  
> Ike: MikeinIke  
> Tommy Boy: keepyashirton/tomato  
> Henry: sourpickle  
> Smalls: tolchild

_**Katherine Pulitzer, Queen of Ass, and her sidekick Spot Conlon, Princess of Ass** 2:09 p.m._

_sourpickles changed the chat name to tHeReS aN iMpOsTeR aMoNg Us_

**sourpickles:** theres an imposter among us

**hAyIsFoRhOrSeS:** tHeReS a FuNgUs AmUnGuS

**conloncancer:** what on earth-

**tomato:** irrelevant

**tomato:** what is this about an imposter???

**wherethefuckismyshoe:** oooo im iNtRiGuEd

**realmam:** *gAy GaSp* we now have two pickle usernames

**albertacanada:** uNaCcEpTaBlE

**dIlPiCkLeS:** ok so henry change ur user 

**dIlPiCkLeS:** >:)

**crookedpolitician:** tHiNgS aRe GeTtInG a LiTtLe WiLd In CaLlIoUs HoUsE

**HoHoHo:** IM WEAK OH MY GAYEST OF GODS

**watermelonofyourheart:** IM CRYING WE’RE ICONIC

**Mom:** Wait, so who’s going to change their username?

**dIlPiCkLeS:** i would but i dont want to so srry henry but i mean it succs 2 succ dood

**albertacanada:** el babe why didnt you tell me ur sister was iconic

**crookedpolitician:** cuz shes nOt

**dIlPiCkLeS:** um, how dur 

**hAyIsFoRhOrSeS:** speaking of sisters,,,,

**hAyIsFoRhOrSeS:** spotty where is urs

**Freckles_from_Brooklyn:** im here 

**Freckles_from_Brooklyn:** unlike you guys

**Freckles_from_Brooklyn:** i actually have a life

**dIlPiCkLeS:** hA no you dont lmao

**Freckles_from_Brooklyn:** yeah no i dont

**tolchild:** good god what have i missed

**blindboi:** ^^

**tweetybird:** ^^

**crunchywithagood:** ^^

**IkeinMike:** ^^

**MikeinIke:** ^^

**purestboi:** ^^!!

**liedownwithdogs:** ^^

**hAyIsFoRhOrSeS:** uhhhh we have new meat and me and spot are dating for those of you who missed that

**purestboi:** yay!!! congratulations!!!!

**purestboi:** and hello new meat!

**liedownwithdogs:** what crutch said!

**tweetybird:** can we get brief intros?

**dIlPiCkLeS:** Armadillo (Dil for short) , she/her, 19, pan, single

**Freckles_from_Brooklyn:** Freckles, she/her, 19, les, and single

**Freckles_from_Brooklyn:** the idiot over there is my best friend

**dIlPiCkLeS:** im her best friend

**hAyIsFoRhOrSeS:** mmmmmhmmmmm

**albertacanada:** bEsT fRiEnDs

**Freckles_from_Brooklyn:** literally shut up or i will forcibly remove ur kneecaps

**hAyIsFoRhOrSeS:**

**albertacanada:**

**dIlPiCkLeS:** shits real when she threatens your kneecaps

**hAyIsFoRhOrSeS:** all jokes aside,,,

**albertacanada:** a rare thing

**hAyIsFoRhOrSeS:** shut it. all jokes aside,, you two would be fucking cute together

**dIlPiCkLeS:** really?

**albertacanada:** i agree. yall would give jack and dave a run for their money

**santafeisafantase:** how fucking rude bitch

**albertacanada:** ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

**Freckles_from_Brooklyn:** guard

**Freckles_from_Brooklyn:** your

**Freckles_from_Brooklyn:** fucking

**Freckles_from_Brooklyn:** kneecaps

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FRECKLES IS NOT MY OC
> 
> FRECKLES IS TheJediAssasinGirl'S
> 
>  
> 
> I GET TO KEEP MY KNEECAPS WHOOOOHOOOO


	16. gayz: the musical

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **dIlPiCkLeS:** so yk how race an al have been pestering us about dating
> 
> **Freckles_from_Brooklyn:** unfortunately i know exactly what you’re talking about

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wrote most of this on a plane watching rent whilst sobbing sooooooo
> 
> thank you TheJediAssasinGirl for rping part of this with me
> 
> Freckles isnt my character, she's TheJediAssasinGirl's
> 
> i honestly love this chapter sm
> 
>  
> 
> Usernames-
> 
> Jack: santafeisafantase/letsopenuparestaurantinsantafe  
> Davey: Mom  
> Kath: liedownwithdogs  
> Sarah: watermelonofyourheart  
> Race: gOtTaGoFaSt  
> Spot: conloncancer/ lilking  
> Crutchie: purestboi  
> Albert: albertacanada  
> Elmer: crookedpolitician  
> Mush; crunchywithagood  
> Blink: blindboi  
> Romeo: realman  
> Specs: wherethefuckismyshoe  
> Buttons: zippers  
> Jojo: HoHoHo  
> Mike: IkeinMike  
> Ike: MikeinIke  
> Tommy Boy: tomato  
> Henry: sourpickle/icantfindmymother  
> Smalls: tolchild  
> Dil: dIlPiCkLeS  
> Freckles: Freckles_from_Brooklyn
> 
> im going to regret changing jack's un whoops

_**tHeReS aN iMpOsTeR aMoNg Us** 4:05 p.m._

_sourpickles changed his username to icantfindmymother_

**icantfindmymother:** i changed my username bitches

**dIlPiCkLeS:** why thank you kind sir

**icantfindmymother:** somebody had to ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

**hAyIsFoRhOrSeS:** while people are changing usernames,,,,

**hAyIsFoRhOrSeS:** spotty change urs >:0

**conloncancer:** but tonyyyyyyy

**conloncancer:** i like itttt

**watermelonofyourheart:** its too dark 

**liedownwithdogs:** and no one appreciates the geniosity of it

**conloncancer:** tru… 

**conloncancer:** racer pick something

_hAyIsFoRhOrSeS changed conloncancer to lilking_

**lilking:** i can work with this,,,

**watermelonofyourheart:** i kinda wanna change mine

**blindboi:** wot even is yours saz

**watermelonofyourheart:** you guys suck

**watermelonofyourheart:** its an In The Heights reference

**watermelonofyourheart:** when nina comes home and abuela claudia’s all like “ahhh nina, watermelom of my heart!” 

**crookedpolitician:** oh yeahhhhh hah whoops

**Mom:** Please, change mine.

**hAyIsFoRhOrSeS:** hA nope

**Mom:** Shit.

**dIlPiCkLeS:** your use of punctuation concerns me

**Mom:** Sorry?

**dIlPiCkLeS:** ugh gross

**realman:** are you really part of this group if you havent judged dave’s use of punctustion

**blindboi:** ah yis

**albertacanada:** good ole puntustion

**HoHoHo:** my favorite

**crookedpolitician:** guys i just cant

**crookedpoliticion:** ill cover you from rent is such a bop

**crookedpolitician:** like their voices sound so damn beautiful together

**crookedpolitician:** and ur sitting there thinking that everythings going to be ok

**crookedpolitcian:** and then angel has to go and die

**crookedpolitician:** ugh i love rent

**Freckles_from_Brooklyn:** dude are you ok

**crookedpoltician:** no im actaully sobbing 

**Freckles_from_Brooklyn:** fair and valid

_santafeisafantase changed their username to letsopenuparestaurantinsantafe_

**crunchywithagood:** did you have to make it so damn long

**letsopenuparestaurantinsantafe:** yes yes i did 

**wherethefuckismyshoe:** good god

**hAyIsFoRhOrSeS:** ill cover you reprise is so fucking sad though

**crookedpolitician:** its awful

**Freckles_from_Brooklyn:** youre crying now arent you E

**dIlPiCkLeS:** the fuxking peoole from the lufe support gruop went to his damn fumeral jeezus christ

**Freckles_from_Brooklyn:** told you

**albertacanada:** and you’re sure yall arent dating

**dIlPiCkLeS:** wE aReNt DaTiNg Al

**Freckles_from_Brooklyn:** al i swear to god,,,

**lilking:** im with al

**Freckles_from_Brooklyn:** you suck

**lilking:** i know

 

_**\---** _   
_**dIlPiCkLeS** to **Freckles_from_Brooklyn**_

**dIlPiCkLeS:** dude i have an idea

**Freckles_from_Brooklyn:** do tell

**dIlPiCkLeS:** so yk how race an al have been pestering us about dating

**Freckles_from_Brooklyn:** unfortunately i know exactly what you’re talking about

**Freckles_from_Brooklyn:** continue

**dIlPiCkLeS:** what if,,, we do exactly that

**Freckles_from_Brooklyn:** exactly what

**dIlPiCkLeS:** date 

**dIlPiCkLeS:** like,, fake date

**dIlPiCkLeS:** so they think we’s together

**dIlPiCkLeS:** but hA we arent

**Freckles_from_Brooklyn:** hmmmmm

**dIlPiCkLeS:** just to like,,, mess with them yk

**Freckles_from_Brooklyn:** and then we have a really explosive “breakup” and make them feel bad??

**dIlPiCkLeS:** and then in a few weeks or so, we do exactly that

**Freckles_from_Brooklyn:** thats fucking genius

**dIlPiCkLeS:** ikr

**dIlPiCkLeS:** i can be smart when i want to be

**dIlPiCkLeS:** so we’re doing this?

**Freckles_from_Brooklyn:** fuck yeah 

**Freckles_from_Brooklyn:** lets go

**dIlPiCkLeS:** we have to keep it up in public with them too. make it believable. do what al said, give jack and dave a run for their money

**Freckles_from_Brooklyn:** you sure you arent just makin up an excuse to kiss me, E?

**dIlPiCkLeS:** shut up 

**dIlPiCkLeS:** nO

**Freckles_from_Brooklyn:** i mean i dont blame you

**Freckles_from_Brooklyn:** i am a catch

**dIlPiCkLeS:** asshole

**Freckles_from_Brooklyn:** hey! that is no way to speak to ya girlfriend!

**dIlPiCkLeS:** yeah yeah

**dIlPiCkLeS:** race an al are gonna flip

**Freckles_from_Brooklyn:** this is gonna be great

**Freckles_from_Brooklyn:** you ready to tell them?

**dIlPiCkLeS:** i am if you are

**Freckles_from_Brooklyn:** lets do it

_**\---** _   
_**tHeReS aN iMpOsTeR aMoNg Us** 4:24 p.m._

_hAyIsFoRhOrSeS changed the chat name to skool succs_

**hAyIsFoRhOrSeS:** uGh SkOoL sTaRtS tOmOrRoW

**tweetybird:** oh shit ur rite

**zippers:** and i oop-

**purestboi:** i for one am excited!!!

**tweetybird:** of course you are babe

**purestboi:** :)

**IkenMike:** do we have tooooo

**MikeinIke:** what he said

**lesmis:** ha loozers im only in highschool

**watermelomofyourheart:** HOW ARE YOU GETTING IN HERE

**lesmis:** magik saz

**watermelonofyourheart:** ugh go away 

**lesmis:** fine 

**Mom:** My god.

**dIlPiCkLeS:** racer, al get your asses in here

**hAyIsFoRhOrSeS:** ive been summoned 

**albertacanada:** wot do u want

**Freckles_from_Brooklyn:** we have news bitch

**dIlPiCkLeS:** we took your,,, encouragements to heart

**Freckles_from_Brooklyn:** and we realized that there are feelings

**dIlPiCkLeS:** soooooooo 

**dIlPiCkLeS:** we’re dating!!

**hAyIsFoRhOrSeS:** *gAy GaSp*

**albertacanada:** wait really???

**Freckles_from_Brooklyn:** mhm

**tomato:** congrats guys!

**purestboi:** congratulations girls!!!!

**crookedpolitician:** my little sisters growing up *tear*

**lilking:** get someeee

**Freckles_from_Brooklyn:** shut up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yall 
> 
> im so disappointed
> 
> no one found conloncancer funny
> 
> and no one caught my ith reference
> 
> *gay tear*


	17. update whoooohooooo

gUyS i have tumblr nowwww

rn its santafeisafantase

it might change

anyway

thats it

a new chapter is in the works and should be out eventually lol

thank and love yall!!


	18. g a y p a n i c and cryptids

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **dIlPiCkLeS:** hhggghghhgnnghghghsh
> 
>  **Freckles_from_Brooklyn:** care to eleborate babe?
> 
>  **dIlPiCkLeS:** noooOoOOo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aight so this is rlly bad but i cant bring myself to care
> 
>  it took me 2 hours to write (aka a full viewing of the guy who didnt like musicals)
> 
> Usernames-
> 
> Jack: letsopenuparestaurantinsantafe  
> Davey: Mom  
> Kath: liedownwithdogs  
> Sarah: watermelonofyourheart  
> Race: gOtTaGoFaSt  
> Spot: lilking  
> Crutchie: purestboi  
> Albert: albertacanada  
> Elmer: crookedpolitician  
> Mush; crunchywithagood  
> Blink: blindboi  
> Romeo: realman  
> Specs: wherethefuckismyshoe  
> Buttons: zippers  
> Jojo: HoHoHo  
> Mike: IkeinMike  
> Ike: MikeinIke  
> Tommy Boy: tomato  
> Henry: icantfindmymother  
> Smalls: tolchild  
> Dil: dIlPiCkLeS  
> Freckles: Freckles_from_Brooklyn

_**skool succs** 4:52 p.m._

**Mom:** How was everyone’s first day back?

 **hAyIsFoRhOrSeS:** i only had 2 classes yEeT

 **purestboi:** i had a good day!!!!!!!!!

 **dIlPiCkLeS:** hhggghghhgnnghghghsh

 **Freckles_from_Brooklyn:** care to eleborate babe?

 **dIlPiCkLeS:** noooOoOOo

 **Freckles_from_Brooklyn:** ok then

 **realman:** it was fInE

 **IkeinMike:** it was awful and i hate it

 **albertacanada:** woooooow mood

 **crookedpolitician:** m00d

 

_**\---** _  
_**dIlPiCkLeS** to **crookedpolitician** 4:58 p.m._

**dIlPiCkLeS:** ELMER

 **dIlPiCkLeS:** DEAR BROTHER

 **dIlPiCkLeS:** HELP BITCH

 **crookedpolitician:** how eloquent

 **crookedpolitician:** what do u want

 **dIlPiCkLeS:** okokok so imma tell you a fucking secret

 **dIlPiCkLeS:** and ur not gonna tell anyone

 **dIlPiCkLeS:** cuz yk

 **dIlPiCkLeS:** thats how secrets work

 **crookedpolitician:** ummm ok???

 **dIlPiCkLeS:** freckles and i arent actually dating

 **dIlPiCkLeS:** we’re fake dating

 **dIlPiCkLeS:** to screw with race and al

 **crookedpolitician:** thats iconic

 **dIlPiCkLeS:** ikr?

 **dIlPiCkLeS:** anyway im not done bitch

 **crookedpolitician:** okok fine continue

 **dIlPiCkLeS:** why ty

 **dIlPiCkLeS:** anyway

 **dIlPiCkLeS:** and i have a huge gay ass fucking crush on her

 **dIlPiCkLeS:** and now that we’re ‘dating’

 **dIlPiCkLeS:** the gay pining has turned into full fledged gay fucking panic and im going to d i e 

**crookedpolitician:** ha succs 2 succ

 **dIlPiCkLeS:** elmer!!! help!!! you!!!! thot!!! 

**crookedpolitician:** damn ok wow

 **crookedpolitician:** i need a sec to recover from that

 **dIlPiCkLeS:** elmer. sound. the. fucking. alarms. im. dying. 

**dIlPiCkLeS:** she was being all flirty and shit today and she kissed. my. fucking. cheek. and i was about to melt oh my osfkzngrhwetr

 **crookedpolitician:** dude ur screwed

 **dIlPiCkLeS:** ugh ik

 **dIlPiCkLeS:** aight well im going to go suffer now hA 

 

_**\---** _  
_**skool succs** 5:08 p.m._

**blinboi:** SUMMONING ALL CRYPTIDS

 **tomato:** reporting

 **tolchild:** reporting

 **crunchywithagood:** reporting

 **liedownwithdogs:** reporting

 **tweetybird:** reporting

_blindboi changed the chat name to the cryptid association_

**crunchywithagood:** im proud to be a part of your revolution babe 

**blindboi:** well aint that somethin love

 **tolchild:** who’s the leader of this newly formed organization?

 **tweetybird:** who’s on the least?

 **tomato:** idfk

 **blindboi:** i wouldnt know hA

 **crunchywithagood:** woah wait who are all these newbies

 **crunchywithagood:** im looking through the member list and there are like 4 more names then last time wtf

 **liedownwithdogs:** one is Jack’s sister, one is jack’s sister’s friend, and i think elmer’s sister and spot’s sister? 

**tolchild:** #fakecryptid

 **liedownwithdogs:** just cuz i dont text doesnt mean i dont pay attention

 **blindboi:** tru

 **tomato:** ok well i must retreat back to my native habitat. When are we meeting again?

 **tweetyybird:** same time next week?

 **crunchywithagood:** works for me

 **tolchild:** alright. Bye

 **liedownwithdogs:** bye hos

 **tomato:** bye bitches

 **blindboi:** well that was fun

_blindboi changed the chat name to skool succs_


	19. dUmBaSsEs4LyFe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **albertacanada:** IM DOWN
> 
>  **hAyIsFoRhOrSeS:** LIT

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its been awhile ik and im sorrryyy ive been at camp and stuff but heres this pile of shit
> 
> i should have another chapter out next weekend and the weekend after that. after that idk
> 
> this is rlly short sorryyyy
> 
> Usernames-
> 
> Jack: letsopenuparestaurantinsantafe  
> Davey: Mom  
> Kath: liedownwithdogs  
> Sarah: watermelonofyourheart  
> Race: gOtTaGoFaSt  
> Spot: lilking  
> Crutchie: purestboi  
> Albert: albertacanada  
> Elmer: crookedpolitician  
> Mush; crunchywithagood  
> Blink: blindboi  
> Romeo: realman  
> Specs: wherethefuckismyshoe  
> Buttons: zippers  
> Jojo: HoHoHo  
> Mike: IkeinMike  
> Ike: MikeinIke  
> Tommy Boy: tomato  
> Henry: icantfindmymother  
> Smalls: tolchild  
> Dil: dIlPiCkLeS  
> Freckles: Freckles_from_Brooklyn

_**the cryptid association** 3:07 a.m _

**letsopenuparestarauntinsantafe:** wtf did i miss

 **hAyIsFoRhOrSeS:** idek broski

 **letsopenuparestarauntinsantafe:** never called me broski again

 **hAyIsFoRhOrSeS:** try me bitch

 **albertacanada:** it looks to me like the illuminati has been confirmed 

**HoHoHo:** what the fuck al

 **albertacanada:** dont question me

 **IkeinMike:** uhhhhhh,,,,,,,,, hi

 **realman:** fuck off mike

 **IkeinMike:** um rude

 **realman:** ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 **dIlPiCkLeS:** gUyS mY gIrLfRiEnD iS sO cUtE

 **crookedpolitician:** do tell

 **lilking:** i wouldnt really consider my sister cute but go off

 **dIlPiCkLeS:** aNyWaY

 **dIlPiCkLeS:** sHeS fUcKeN aDoRaBlE

 **realman:** u gonna elaborate orrrr

 **dIlPiCkLeS:** no fuck u rome

 **realman:** fine i guess you dont want me to come over tomorrow

 **dIlPiCkLeS:** no wait rome ily plz come over i need help with sewing my pointe shoessss 

**realman:** thats what i thought bitch

 

 **the cryptid association** 7:02 a.m

 **purestboi:** have a good day everyone!!!

 **tweetybird:** thank u babeee

 **purestboi:** :)

_hAyIsFoRhOrSeS changed the chat name to iLlUmInAtI cOnFiRmEd_

 

_**iLlUmInAtI cOnFiRmEd** 7:09 p.m._

**albertacanada:** wow this chat died

 **HoHoHo:** o rip

 **hAyIsFoRhOrSeS:** GUYS GUYS GUYS

 **hAyIsFoRhOrSeS:** WE NEED A SHIP NAME FOR DIL AND FRECK

 **Freckles_from_Brooklyn:** i mean we really dont but sure

 **dIlPiCkLeS:** ooooooo what about like Fil??

 **albertacanada:** mmm no 

**crookedpolitician:** uhhhhh Elia???

 **dIlPiCkLeS:** ew no

 **hAyIsFoRhOrSeS:** OOOO HOW ABOUT DUMBASSES 

**Freckles_from_Brooklyn:** um what?

 **hAyIsFoRhOrSeS:** CAUSE THEY WERE DUMBASSES AND TOOK FOREVER TO GET TOGEHTER BAAHAHAHAHA

 **albertacanada:** IM DOWN

 **hAyIsFoRhOrSeS:** LIT

_hAyIsFoRhOrSeS changed the chat name to #dumbasses4lyfe_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YALL OK SO I FUCKING MET ANTHONY ZAS AND JOSHUA BURRAGE LAST WEEK AND IM STILL FREAKING OUT
> 
> I POSTED A PICTURE ON MY TUMBLR @santafeisafantase
> 
> IT WAS LIFE CHANGING NGL


	20. gay fucking crisis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Freckles_from_Brooklyn:** you underestimate my ability to avoid my problems

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finally updating this oof
> 
> i rped part of this with Jedi, as always 
> 
> i’m posting this from my phone so i’ll go back later on my laptop and fix what i need to fix lol 
> 
> Usernames-
> 
> Jack: letsopenuparestaurantinsantafe  
> Davey: Mom  
> Kath: liedownwithdogs  
> Sarah: watermelonofyourheart  
> Race: gOtTaGoFaSt  
> Spot: lilking  
> Crutchie: purestboi  
> Albert: albertacanada  
> Elmer: crookedpolitician  
> Mush; crunchywithagood  
> Blink: blindboi  
> Romeo: realman  
> Specs: wherethefuckismyshoe  
> Buttons: zippers  
> Jojo: HoHoHo  
> Mike: IkeinMike  
> Ike: MikeinIke  
> Tommy Boy: tomato  
> Henry: icantfindmymother  
> Smalls: tolchild  
> Dil: dIlPiCkLeS  
> Freckles: Freckles_from_Brooklyn

_**#dumbasses4lyfe** 5:09 p.m._

**letsopenuparestarauntinsantafe:** fuvking finally

**HoHoHo:** fuvking

**letsopenuparestarauntinsantafe:** shut up

**letsopenuparestarauntinsantafe:** asshole

**zippers:** back down kelly

**hAyIsFoRhOrSeS:** WEEK ONE OF HELL IS OVERRRR

**watermelonofyourheart:** i just had a shocking discovery

**liedownwithdogs:** do tell

**watermelonofyourheart:** so you guys know the whole story with hades and persephone and how she has to spend six months in the underworld with hades every year 

**Mom:** It’s 4 months, but please do continue.

**dIlPiCkLeS:** god ur use of grammer and puntuartion revolt me

**watermelonofyourheart:** a n y w a y

**watermelonofyourheart:** school is kind of like that. we’re stuck at school for 9 months and then we’re released to the beauty of summer break for the remaining bit of the year.

**tolchild:** shit u rite

**lesmis:** ok so if im interpreting these ads correctly,,,, having a dermatologist hate you is the secret to fIrM, cLeAr, YoUnGeR lOoKiNg SkIn

**lesmis:** im about to fucking punch a dermatologist in the dick to help clear my acne

**lilking:** slgjdnf im weak

**Mom:** Les!

**watermelonofyourheart:** IM FUCKING WEAK OMG JHFBESG

**Mom:** Leave, oh my god.

**lesmis:** fine smh

 

_**\---**  
 **Freckles_from_Brooklyn** to **lilking**_

**Freckles_from_Brooklyn:** brother dearest

**Freckles_from_Brooklyn:** im having a FUCKING CRISIS

**lilking:** oh no

**lilking:** what have u gotten urself into now

**Freckles_from_Brooklyn:** a fucking mess

**Freckles_from_Brooklyn:** a gay fucking mess

**lilking:** care to elaborate?

**Freckles_from_Brooklyn:** um..

**Freckles_from_Brooklyn:** well

**Freckles_from_Brooklyn:** you see

**Freckles_from_Brooklyn:** the thing is

**lilking:** yes?

**Freckles_from_Brooklyn:** ok

**Freckles_from_Brooklyn:** im gonna tell you something

**Freckles_from_Brooklyn:** but you need to swear on your kneecaps that you wont tell your horny bastard boyfriend

**lilking:** i despise you

**lilking:** fine

**Freckles_from_Brooklyn:** swear on your kneecaps

**Freckles_from_Brooklyn:** im dead serious

**Freckles_from_Brooklyn:** u cant tell al either

**lilking:** i swear on my kneecaps

**lilking:** why would i tell al

**lilking:** just spit it out

**Freckles_from_Brooklyn:** dil and i arent actually dating

**Freckles_from_Brooklyn:** we’re fake dating

**Freckles_from_Brooklyn:** to mess with race and al

**lilking:** oh?

**lilking:** wow ok that’s amazing

**Freckles_from_Brooklyn:** yeah

**Freckles_from_Brooklyn:** wer’re going to have a huge explosive “breakup” in a couple weeks and make them feel bad about nagging us to get together

**lilking:** i see

**lilking:** but why, dear sister, is this relevant

**Freckles_from_Brooklyn:** because

**Freckles_from_Brooklyn:** dear brother

**Freckles_from_Brooklyn:** i now have feelings

**Freckles_from_Brooklyn:** for my best friend

**Freckles_from_Brooklyn:** who im fake dating

**lilking:** i didnt know you were capable of expressing emotion

**Freckles_from_Brooklyn:** oh fuck u

**lilking:** im proud of u

**Freckles_from_Brooklyn:** [middlefinger.emoji] 

**lilking:** yeah yeah

**lilking:** shouldnt you have like thought about this before agreeing to fake date her

**Freckles_from_Brooklyn:** well i didnt expect to catch feelings for her!

**Freckles_from_Brooklyn:** dumbass!

**lilking:** havent you read like, any fanfic

**lilking:** or watched any movies

**lilking:** or read any books

**lilking:** like ever

**lilking:** of course you were going to catch feelings for her

**Freckles_from_Brooklyn:** this isn’t fanfic spot

**Freckles_from_Brooklyn:** or a movie

**Freckles_from_Brooklyn:** or a book

**Freckles_from_Brooklyn:** this is real life

**Freckles_from_Brooklyn:** and this was not supposed to happen

**lilking:** nothing is ever supposed to happen

**lilking:** r u gonna tell her

**Freckles_from_Brooklyn:** are you kidding me?

**Freckles_from_Brooklyn:** no way!

**Freckles_from_Brooklyn:** i can’t tell her!

**Freckles_from_Brooklyn:** she just likes me as a friend!

**Freckles_from_Brooklyn:** all of this fake dating stuff is just that: fake.

**lilking:** mhmmm

**Freckles_from_Brooklyn:** thats it?

**Freckles_from_Brooklyn:** that’s all ur gonna give me?

**Freckles_from_Brooklyn:** mhmmm?

**lilking:** what do u expect me to do

**lilking:** all im gonna do is tell u to tell her

**lilking:** ur gonna have to tell her at some point, T

**Freckles_from_Brooklyn:** you underestimate my ability to avoid my problems

**lilking:** ah yis right

**lilking:** ur only talent

**Freckles_from_Brooklyn:** fuck you!

**Freckles_from_Brooklyn:** i got an intership this past summer making costumes on broadway

**Freckles_from_Brooklyn:** all uve done is get in fights

**lilking:** ok ow

**lilking:** calm urself

**Freckles_from_Brooklyn:** i dont even know why i come to you for advice

**Freckles_from_Brooklyn:** you’re really bad at giving it yk

**lilking:** bc im ur brother and u love me

**lilking:** dont worry ik

**Freckles_from_Brooklyn:** [eyeroll.emoji] [eyeroll.emoji]

 

_**\---** _

_**#dumbasses4lyfe** 10:00 p.m._

**crookedpolicitian:** do u ever wonder why ur you

**crookedpolitician:** like why ur in ur body

**crookedpolitician:** and not someone else’s?

**crookedpolitician:** and why u were out on this planet

**dIlPiCkLeS:** r u good bro??

**dIlPiCkLeS:** do u need to talk??

**crookedpolitcian:** im fine

**crookedpolicitian:** just sHoWeR tHoUgHtS

**lilking:** i was put on this earth for one thing

**lilking:** to fight stupid people

**HoHoHo:** iconic

**hAyIsFoRhOrSeS:** i was put on this earth to do one thing

**hAyIsFoRhOrSeS:** luckily i don’t remember what that is so i can do whatever i want >:)

**albertacanada:** brace urselves this can’t be good

**hAyIsFoRhOrSeS:** oh shut up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’m getting ready to start a kinda major storyline with smalls uwu


	21. sAnTa ClAuS aT tHe FiRe DePaRtMeNt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **ismelllike:** poor davey is so pure
> 
>  **beeeeef:** we must corrupt him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the title has nothing to do witht he actual chapter hAh 
> 
> sorry this took so long. i literally like, lost motivation for this but i think its coming back. as you can tell, i changed most of the usernames. i wasnt feeling the other ones honestly.
> 
> also, most of this was indirectly written by my crackhead friends. i asked them for random sentences and stuff and this happened.
> 
> im. craving attention. so. please. leave me comments. 
> 
> also- after this chapter therell probably be another chapter or two of bullshit before i slide back into plot.
> 
> Usernames-
> 
> Jack: theyeetohishaw  
> Davey: Mom  
> Kath: urlocalplumber  
> Sarah: thatsgAy  
> Race: gOtTaGoFaSt  
> Spot: lilking  
> Crutchie: uwu  
> Finch: blind  
> Albert: mute  
> Elmer: dead  
> Mush; bejeebers  
> Blink: blindboi  
> Romeo: ismelllike  
> Specs: beeeeef  
> Buttons: fleahoe  
> Jojo: hoehoe  
> Mike: tHiNg1  
> Ike: tHiNg2  
> Tommy Boy: tomholland  
> Henry: wHaToFiT  
> Smalls: tolchild  
> Dil: fUkC  
> Freckles: Freckles_from_Brooklyn

_**sAnTa ClAuS aT tHe FiRe DePaRtMeNt** 11:02 p.m._

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** hey thotties

 **theyeetohishaw:** nope

 **gOtTaGoFaSt:** no u

 **tomholland:** hey bitches i’m back from my coma

 **blind:** nO

 **mute:** god please no

 **dead:** absolutely not

 **Mom:** I’m sorry, what?

 **ismelllike:** poor davey is so pure

 **beeeeef:** we must corrupt him

 **theyeetohishaw:** please don’t

 **thatsgAy:** no please do

 **theyeetohishaw:** dOnT iNcOuTaGe ThEm

 **hoehoe:** incoutage

 **bejeebers:** incoutage

 **blindboi:** iNcOuTaGe

 **theyeetohishaw:** ouchie

 **urlocalplumber:** ull get over it 

**theyeetohishaw:** o w

 **fUkC:** sksk bitches

 **dead:** eW NO

 **uwu:** s a v e t h e t u r t l e s

 **blind:** crutchie n o

 **fUkC:** crutchie y e s

 **lilking:** here’s a hot take

 **lilking:** f u c k the turtles

 **gOtTaGoFaSt:** *gæ gasp*

 **fleahoe:** my lips are chapped

 **hoehoe:** da fuq

 **fleahoe:** no u

 **hoehoe:** reverse uno 

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** i see ur reverse uno and raise you wild +4 skip a turn

 **hoehoe:** you weren’t even a part of this tf

 **mute:** i-

 **fUkC:** hahaha i do that

 **Mom:** Should I be concerned?

 **theyeetohishaw:** nope

 **lilking:** nah

 **uwu:** probably not

 **mute:** eh

 **fUkC:** waheey

 **dead:** are u ok

 **fUkC:** n

 **gOtTaGoFaSt:** oh my fucken god she fucken ded

 **tHiNg 1:** i shit my pants

 **tHiNg 1:** and now my asshole hurts

 **urlocalplumber:** we really didn’t need to know that

 **tHiNg 1:** sucks to suck

 **tHiNg 2:** a s s f a c e 

**wHaToFiT:** yes

 **thatsgAy:** this is so chaotic

 **thats gAy:** i love it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please. leave me comments. even if its just to tell me this is shit. literally. i love getting comments. so much.
> 
> ALSO- CREDIT TO RavenclawRiter FOR THE VSCO THING


	22. pls lenny ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **lilking:** ew
> 
> **gOtTaGoFaSt:** ew

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> holy fucking shit this chapter is an actual mess omfg
> 
> a good chunk of this chapter was taken from various conversations from a groupchat im in
> 
> the majority of them i had with my internet wife (whom i have a huge ass crush on but thats not important) and she's amazing s o anyway
> 
> this is a just. whole mess.
> 
> Usernames-
> 
> Jack: theyeetohishaw  
> Davey: Mom  
> Kath: urlocalplumber  
> Sarah: thatsgAy  
> Race: gOtTaGoFaSt  
> Spot: lilking  
> Crutchie: uwu  
> Finch: blind  
> Albert: mute  
> Elmer: dead  
> Mush; bejeebers  
> Blink: blindboi  
> Romeo: ismelllike  
> Specs: beeeeef  
> Buttons: fleahoe  
> Jojo: hoehoe  
> Mike: tHiNg1  
> Ike: tHiNg2  
> Tommy Boy: tomholland  
> Henry: wHaToFiT  
> Smalls: bucky  
> Dil: fUkC  
> Freckles: Freckles_from_Brooklyn
> 
>  
> 
> IMPORTANT MESSAGE IN THE END NOTES UWU

_**sAnTa ClAuS aT tHe FiRe DePaRtMeNt** 2:09 a.m. _

**bucky:** fuck me gently with a chainsaw

**bucky:** actually no

**bucky:** fuck me rOUCH with a chainsaw

**tomholland:** rouch

**theyeetohishaw:** i think ur missing the point

**theyeetohishaw:** wtaF smalls

**bucky:** that’s bucky to u

**fUkC:** yES BUCKY IS AMAZING AND I LOVE HIM NFKSNFK

**Freckles_from_Brooklyn:** ouch babe

**fUkC:** hush small one bucky is more important 

**lilking:** rough

**thatsgAy:** idk man

**thatsgAy:** nat’s pretty hoT

**theyeetohishaw:** nO DO NOT EVEN DARE

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** honedtly fuck u sarah

**thatsgAy:** nfkejfkwkg

**bucky:** it took me an actual month to get over the damage endgame caused 

**bucky:** and you have the audacity 

**theyeetohishaw:** ooooo 8 letter word alert

**bucky:** ffuck u and let me finish

**bucky:** you have the audacity to undo all that work

**fUkC:** ok but 

**fUkC:** carol hunny what’s with the h a i r c u t

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** we don’t speak of that

**tHiNg1:** my asshole still hurts

**lilking:** i

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** i forgot how to make ramen

**lilking:** i-

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** do you put it in a bowl with water then into the microwave???

**theyeetohishaw:** yeah for 6 m i n u t e s

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** damn

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** thanks

**lilking:** that’s

**lilking:** a log time

**theyeetohishaw:** log

**lilking:** fuck. you. 

**theyeetohishaw:** time and place

**lilking:** ew

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** ew

**thatsgAy:** that’s gay

**fUkC:** so r u hoe

**thatsgAy:** well damn bitch

**fUkC:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**dead:** lets. get a birthday cake. 

**fUkC:** elmer what?

**fUkC:** its 

**fUkC:** no ones birthday 

**dead:** so? the cake won’t know

**fUkC:** shit u rit3

**tomholland:** hairless cats look like raw chicken fucken fight me you thots

**lilking:** woah there

**thatsgAy:** calm down there buddy roll

**theyeetohishaw:** step tf down bitcheroonie

**fUkC:** wOw tommy you can fuck tf off

**fUkC:** but also

**fUkC:** bITCHEROONIE IM HFKDNFK 

**dead:** dil.exe has stopped working

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** iM SQUEAKING

**bucky:** squeak squeak bitch

**theyeetohishaw:** i cANT

**thatsgAy:** wtf is going on here

**lilking:** i have no idea. but i’ll act like i do

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** HFKWNFKWKOFISOFKSKSKFKWKTL WKFWJFKWMF JEFKNSKFJEIFJKSNFOSJFO

**bucky:** race.exe has stopped working

**lilking:** no

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** yeehaw mother fuckers i lived

**fUkC:** bummer

**bucky:** oof

**lilking:** damn damn

**theyeetohishaw:** that’s rough bro

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** okay o w

**fUkC:** suCks to sUkC ho

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** no u

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> can you tell i fucking love bucky??
> 
> IMPORTANT NOTICE/MESSAGE: 
> 
> dance is starting back up for me this weekend in which i will have classes 6-8:30 ish (maybe later i rlly cant remember) from monday-thursday and then from 11-4:30 on saturday (and when nutcracker starts in a few weeks ill have it for most on sunday afternoon im sure. so. what im getting at is im probably going to be exhausted the next week or so so updates on this are definitely going to slow. im going to try my hardest to get stuff out (whether it be a chapter of this or a oneshot thats seperate) bit with school and dance i wouldnt count on it. im definitely not like. never going to post again. it just might be awhile.
> 
> anyway. i love you all so much and the support you give this shitty fic means a lot. please dont give up on this, for as far as i know i could have another chapter up in a week or a month i have no idea.
> 
> anywho im dont rambling. 
> 
> you can find me on tumblr- santafeisafantase and tiktok- bentylershook
> 
> anywho, au revoir et je t'aime


	23. author's note

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> im so sorry yall omg

AHHHHH OKOKOK 

before i get into anything- no i have no forgotten this and no its not abandonded. thats not how you spell that but you get the point. 

guys im. so sorry. life has been hectic. 

lately ive had some physical issues with my body and i feel like my health, mental and physical, is suffering. 

along with that, i have dance 6 days a week and schoolwork on top of that. 

ive also been cosplaying more (prolly too much) on my tiktok. which is causing me to stay up way too late and thats taking a toll on me. 

all that in mind, i have tried to sit down and write, but nothing is really coming to me. i love this story but writers block has been a major bitch. so. thats that. 

im going to try really hard in the next few weeks to start writing and posting, but, unfortunately, i can't make any promises. 

 

again, im so so sorry for the lack of posts. i love yall and the support this has gotten is. incredible. so. yeah. thank yall.


	24. of cursing and shit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is an actual mess. it’s also rlly short. and literally all over the place. sorry bout it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> iM SORRYYY ITS BEEN SO LONG
> 
> things have been crazy. and i haven’t had motivation to write. but. i had a little bit this morning so. i wrote. it’s rlly short and makes no sense but what’s new 
> 
> Usernames-
> 
> Jack: theyeetohishaw  
> Davey: Mom  
> Kath: urlocalplumber  
> Sarah: thatsgAy  
> Race: gOtTaGoFaSt  
> Spot: lilking  
> Crutchie: uwu  
> Finch: blind  
> Albert: mute  
> Elmer: dead  
> Mush; bejeebers  
> Blink: blindboi  
> Romeo: ismelllike  
> Specs: beeeeef  
> Buttons: fleahoe  
> Jojo: hoehoe  
> Mike: tHiNg1  
> Ike: tHiNg2  
> Tommy Boy: tomholland  
> Henry: wHaToFiT  
> Smalls: bucky  
> Dil: fUkC  
> Freckles: Freckles_from_Brooklyn

_**dreamworks trolls gingerbread house kit** 4:20 am_

**thatsgAy:** blaze it

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** iS THAT A WEED????/???

**thatsgAy:** n o

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** iM CALLING THE POLICE 

**lilking:** go the fuck to sleep

**gOtTaGoGoFaSt:** spottttttyyyyyyyyyyyy >:[[[ 

**lilking:** sleep. 

_**~~** _

_**dreamworks trolls gingerbread house kit** 5:34 pm_

**thatsgAy:** favorite curses go

**tomholland:** oh bLoOdY hElL

**uwu:** what the goose 

**fUkC:** shit pickles

**Freckles_from_Brooklyn:** you undeserving fuckllamas

**theyeetohishaw:** that’s certainly something

**Freckles_from_Brooklyn:** exactly

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** shut the hell your mouth

**lilking:** flippity flop you’re a cock

**dead:** dusty donuts 

**tHiNg1:** pirates!

**tHiNg2:** crickey

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** well i’ll be a bitch

**theyeetohishaw:** well butter my buns and call me betty crocker 

**Mom:** You guys scare me. 

**theyeetohishaw:** you’re welcome

**mute:** loosen up a bit dave. loose the grammar 

**Mom:** I’d rather not.

**mute:** you suck

**Mom:** hey thotties

**fUkC:** jack did you

**fUkC:** did you steal his phone???

**Mom:** indeed i did

_**Mom** has changed his name to **cultleader**_

**cultleader:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**thatsgAy:** an icon

**theyeetohishaw:** Jack, give me my phone back. 

**cultleader:** ok ;]

**cultleader:** jack, what did you do?

**theyeetohishaw:** turned off your auto cap

**fUkC:** this is the david we want and d e s e r b e 

**dead:** deserbe 

**fUkC:** no 

_**~~** _

_**gOtTaGoFaSt** to **lilking** 5:45 pm_

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** open the door or i’m gonna throw rocks through your window u dumb whore

**lilking:** did you just-

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** yes i did now open the goddamn door before i freeze to death

**lilking:** it’s literally 69

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** hAh

**gOtTaGoFaSt:** i know what i said.

_**~~** _

_**dreamworks trolls gingerbread house kit** 6:52 pm_

**tHiNg1:** do you ever have to take a shit

**hoehoe:** i don’t like where this is going 

**bucky:** continue

**tHiNg1:** but you cant actually shit it all out

**tHiNg1:** so you just walk around for a bit feeling like you have a log of shit hanging out of your ass

**fUkC:** im so beyond disappointed in the direction that went

**hoehoe:** ew mike wtf 

_**bucky** has removed **tHiNg1** from the chat _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please do leave comments!!! i love love love getting comments!! they make me wanna keep writing yk
> 
> anyway. thank y’all for reading!! i’m hoping to get some sort of a storyline back up and running soon.

**Author's Note:**

> i hope that didn't suck too much. formatting is a bitch. 
> 
> Kudos and Comments really help in writing new chapters :)
> 
> xo


End file.
